I have a blog now??

There is a GOOD (kind of) explanation!!

2011-11-16T09:22:00.004Z

There he is, he's my excuse....a poor one perhaps, but one nonetheless....

A week after I posted my last gloating episode about having a boyfriend....I found out about him^^. I know....I work fast right??

My first thought was 'SHIT!!'

Closely followed by a quick tot up of just how much I'd had to drink over the past few weeks considering the test was telling me I was more than 3 weeks gone. I'm sure it didn't do him any harm....ahem......

So, I'm currently 28 weeks gone, 12 weeks to go. Pregnancy is a wonderful time in a womans life, a time that robs her of all the dignity she's managed to accrue thus far, and as far as I can tell...she never gets it back, GO ME!!

In all seriousness, I thought my travelling was an adventure, I'm about to embark on the biggest and best adventure of my life and both S and I are VERY excited!

I'll do my best to try and keep you up to date when I have time between now and the birth, and subsequently between feeds and nappy changes....we'll see how THAT goes!!

Probably see you sometime in 2014 at this rate!!

Thanks for sticking with me through the silence :D

Love Sprogz and Kez xxx

Pants

2011-06-05T16:40:00.004+01:00

On a pillow.

But pants is what I am generally....generally pants.

I'm amazed that I've managed to gain a new follower over the past 6 months! By my calculations that means that if I continue in my current state of EPIC blog-apathy then I'll reach the golden '100 followers' in the year 2049.

GO ME!!

So....there are a numbers of reasons why I am attempting another re-launch of the GB SprogBlog Enterprise.

Firstly! I am VERY hungover. To be honest I'm not good for much other than sprawling across the bed, shout-typing gibberish at an unspecified audience across the interwebs.

Ok...so I would be lying if I tried to (unsuccessfully I suspect) convince you that there had been no other hangovers in the last 6 months......there have been more than I can count, but as I say.....circumstances conspire!

Secondly...I am half-banished to the bedroom for creativity purposes.....Ogger's creativity, not mine, my creativity results in photos like the above, so I'm not allowed to do creative very often :(. I say half because Jo doesn't seem to be being very strict with me. I have emerged and rambled at her in a still-drunken manner a few times and she hasn't sent me packing, even when I threatened (offered? I guess it depends on whether you're talking from my POV or Jo's) to hug her. I also say half because it's actually more then 50% voluntary, I am thoroughly enjoying wasting an entire day lounging on my bed....it's for winners!

(as an aside....I'm not sure how much creativity is happening in that living room having just had a visit from Jo to tell me that she's arranged an interwebs date!)

Thirdly. Pants Man. I know you must be eagerly awaiting some kind of explanation in regards to him, but I'm gonna make you wait just a little while longer, cos I'm nice like that. I've been meaning to post for ages, but could never come up with anything half decent to write about (reading this diatribe back...I'm not 100% sure I shouldn't have left it a few more weeks!). After I made Pants Man I realised that maybe this is the kind of idiotic behaviour that I can use as a tenuous base for a blog post of questionable quality. Yet again, GO ME for my misplaced, hungover flashes of insight!

Fourthly.....and possibly most importantly, I appear to have fallen head over heels for a certain young man, again!! He's pretty easy to fall for, funny how life moves in circles sometimes :)

Yes......you've got it. This whole post is a thinly disguised excuse to come on the internet and boast because I'VE GOT A BOYFRAND!

Ahem....ok, that's out of my system now. So, for the sake of the poor guys privacy, I shall refer to him here as 'S'. You may be wondering why relationship = blog, I'm sure he is too, if he's reading this, concerned that I'll be trying to create some kind of real-life docu-blog, he'll be looking for hidden cameras. S is a military boy and so will be spending some very long, and occasionally boring, months away from home. Blogging is the perfect way to keep in touch, plus....he already thinks I'm crazy, so it won't matter when he reads the general kind of idiotic things I get up to day to day.

Don't worry! I'll leave the sappy crap for private emails....unless you anger me, and then you have only yourselves to blame.

You may have figured out by now the idea of Pants Man. Poor S made the mistake of forgetting a (clean) pair of underwear in my room. He's lost them forever now I'm afraid, I have absorbed them into my hovel, placed them on a huggable object and created Pants Man who now keeps me company when S is away.........mehehehehehehehe!!

S - I REALLY bet you wish you'd looked harder for those pants now :D

(Mum, dad, if you're reading this....I'm sorry, you suffer for my art *snort*, art!!)

(S....sorry if you just read that last bit)

I'm in China!

2011-01-09T13:35:00.001Z

So if you want to know what I'm up to I'll be over on the Travel Blog here :o)

Cheers x

Ready.....Aim......Fire

2010-12-23T10:28:00.006Z

What does it mean when you visit a strangers house and they invite you to fire a rifle pellet directly into their living room floor? Does it mean you're TOTALLY in? :o)

Unfortunately the lovely chappie in question is a 64 year old bus driver called Ken, I've been single a while, but not prepared to go there quite yet.

The Christmas season is upon us! And in my own inimitable style, I still have half of my Christmas shopping to do and have written next to zero Christmas cards. I was much better when I was living at home and had my sister dragging me out shopping at every opportunity.

I have, however, managed to both amuse and horrify my new manager by decorating my new office:

Yes, I know, tasteful :o). I have also managed to consume an entire box of Lindor almost to myself, and polish of half a bottle of bubbly with Oggs that was presented to me a mere day or so ago. I think as far as achievements go I'm doing quite well. Essential achievements such as wrapping and.......buying in general continue to elude me.

I'd like to take this opportunity to Say a big Merry Christmas to everyone out there who has held on as a follower during my exceedingly lax year this year! My resolution is to get off my blogging ass and do something fun to write about next year. Next year I will mostly be writing about snow.....ice......snow sludge......icy snow sludge, and then the wonders of finally being able to walk in a straight line with correct posture, instead of like a rather tense, hesitant gnome with a persistent back complaint.

So, Merry Christmas Y'all, and a Happy 2011. I hope the new year turns out to be all you wish for :o)

Oh, Stow, how I love you so

2010-09-05T18:50:00.009+01:00

So it's finally happened! Ogs and Sprogs live together.....a recipe for disaster I hear you ask? Will the universe implode? Or wll we simply die of alcohol poisoning?

Neither....I hope.

I moved in yesterday...with the help of my long-suffering father (Thank you Daddeh!). We packed the van in the morning, spending much of it confused that there seemed to be so much less than when I moved in. I'm sure I brought almost 20 boxes home, along with roughly 8 binbags....and all the crap that goes along with it. This time I had 6 boxes, 4 black bags.....and all the crap that goes along with it.

Hmmmmm....one suspects I may be bringing stuff back with me after visits home for quite some time.

I realised the day before moving that I actually didn't have much furniture. I left most of my stuff behind when I moved out of Grants, and so I have books with no bookcase and underwear with no drawers (drawers with no drawers....geddit??? I'm so funny). So I'm currently in a state of slight disarray, but all shall be fixed next weekend when furniture arrives...huzzah.

For now I'm amusing myself by smiling at the cats. I'd say laughing, but that's just mean, because their current behaviour has been brought about by the stress of the move and living in a new house. Having said that, I have to admit that they can be comical.

Mornington has always been a skittish kitty, the phrase 'scaredy-cat' was invented purely for her. She's currently spending most of her time under the bed, but she does venture into the living room occasionally. However, she doesn't seem to like the corridor floor, I think she sees it as hot coles...or shark-infested water, and Jo's room and the living room are at opposite ends of the house. So when you're sitting in the front room, you know when she's coming, she thunders down the corridor at a rate of knots, as Jo said the other day....at least she'll be losing some weight.

Mornington in less-skittish days at Gandhi Close

Sometimes you'll hear thundering and she won't appear, and when you peek out into the corridor she's perched ontop of the kitty scratcher or the 2 cardboard boxes a little further down, like a portly sentinel, presumably to regain her wits before the next assault on the floor. Likewise, you're not allowed to walk past her in the corridor, I suspect she lacks some spatial awareness and is convinced that you'll squish her if you try. This causes her to make a mad dash for whichever room or tower she can reach before you get to her.

Bless her crazy little heart.

Lucy is a little more relaxed, I wish she'd have a word with her errant daughter.

Tarquin has survived so far, presumably because Mornington is too preoccupied at the moment to have noticed his existence. I'm sure within a few weeks he'll be suffering the effects of her appetite.

So far so good people, stay tuned for more adventures of Ogs and Sprogs......oh...I simply cannot wait!

P.S, thank you Nicki for the awesome moving-in gift :D Once I have a good pic of it that I can get my hands on, it'll be posted. Love you x

The Pitter Patter of Tiny Feet?

2010-08-17T13:09:00.007+01:00

Nope, more like the trample-clatter of stiletto-clad size tens!

This past weekend saw the fantastic spectacle of the 6th Annual Greenwich Drag Race. I had seen pictures of last years race on a friends profile, and I simply couldn't miss out this year, given my innate fondness of men in dresses.

My sister and I, Oggers, and our mates Ste and Kyle installed ourselves safely in Bar Du Museé on Nelson Street prior to the big event, along with about another 20 of Ste and Kyles friends. You see, it's simply not cricket to turn up to the Drag Race 100% sober....even for the contestants. I had been under the impression that the race would start at 7pm, however, the rumour had circulated that it in fact didn't start until 8pm, they told the Queens that it was 7pm to make sure they turned up on time!

We were still in the bar at 7:45pm, knowing that in all likelihood it still wouldn't kick off until 8:30pm. The area we were sitting in had actually been reserved for another party, but they were loathe to throw us out seeing as we reportedly spent about £1000 between us over 3 hours. Instead, they had blocked off our exit with a sofa, herding us safely into the corner with no hope of escape. So precious a commodity were we, that when we left at 8pm and Ste asked if we could reserve the area to return at 9pm, they accepted immediately and marked the area off.

Released from our upholstered prison, we trotted along to the Rose and Crown, the pub that organises this now-annual event. The Rose and Crown bills itself as a straight-friendly gay pub, I really love that! It was very cool to see policemen and women along with towering drag queens milling around in a huge crowd outside the pub. I spotted at least two brides, one Lady Gaga, a group of air hostesses complete with carry-on and at least 6 wigs that must have exceeded a foot in height.

Now the drag race is only one lap around the block (a large block). You can sympathise, the minimum requirement for the race is a 2 inch heel, and you must start and finish with your shoes on. There are also 2 'Sambuca Stops', where the Queens must halt and take a shot before carrying on. We positioned ourselves where last years Sambuca Stop had been, in the hopes of seeing some entertaining staggering and/or digestive pyrotechnics. Unfortunately they had moved the stops, but we were nicely positioned to see the Queens racing/trotting/walking/staggering into the final straight.

The winner of the Race was really quite impressive, we looked on to see a bride racing towards us, and I mean racing. She had her long white gown held up and out of the way, arms pumping, leaning forward in the manner of a bull running for a red flag. She reminded me somewhat of an over-competitive young mother at a Sports Day, kicking her toddler before her like a football as she 'helps' him win the 10 metre sprint.

She was followed closely by a few others, and then the rest began to come through in a slow flow. There were the joggers, balancing carefully on their 3 inch heels. They obviously hadn't put as much time into running around Greenwich with heels as Miss Bride had. Every competitor got cheers, waves and sips of beer from the crowd as they passed back into view of the Rose and Crown. But the biggest cheer was reserved for the last contestant.

If I remember correctly, she was dressed in a leopardskin top and pink leggings, and one of her heels had broken off, but she was persevering! After a slow walk chatting up a policeman, she 'sped' up, her legs bent so far it looked like she was in a half squat, and taking a tumble every now and again, but she made it over the finish line.

I've never seen anything quite like it in my life, I think I love it, a huge collection of people coming together to celebrate sexual and cultural diversity. However, the thing I love the most is the fact that the police close the roads for the duration of the race. I saw a bus stopped at the end of the road, the unexpected sight they were treated to must be something that will be burnt into their memories forever!

Image Creds, Greenwich.co.uk and Greenwich Phantom, taken by Warren King

I Hath Returned!!

2010-07-09T12:46:00.002+01:00

Back to reality...I've been back at work for a week, and when I think about my 3 months travelling I can't believe I was away for 3 months.

Work has been pretty much ok actually. I think I've been helped along by the fact that everything is changing for everyone at work at the moment. No one really knows what's going on, and so everyone is just as confused as me. Had I been plonked down into exactly the same situation as I left in, it may have been more of a judder, provoking a high-pitched wail of 'Nooooo......not for the rest of my liiiiife!!'

Things have changed since I've been away, new boss, soon-to-be new office, new colleagues.

.....Psychic octopi.......

Really??

Yes, this is what REALLY inspired me to begin blogging again. Paul.

Having been away for 3 months, my sister took the opportunity to tell me about Paul one day at home. There I was, innocently tapping away at the computer, probably wasting another day playing TumbleBugs (awesome....give it a go), when she started.

'There's this octopus'

*I look up, a tad confused. Did she just say what I think she said?* 'An octopus?'

'Yes.....there's this Octopus, his name is Paul'

'Paul...'

'Yes, his name is Paul, and he lives in Germany'

'Ok' *Okkkkkkkkkkk*

'And he predicts the football scores'

'Shhhh...go back to sleep Nicki'

And yet sure enough, there he was on the telly an hour or so later. Apparently, his selection for the finals is going to be shown live on television. I do hope that Paul the Psychic Cephalopod doesn't suffer from stage fright.

I read in the Metro this morning that he has been recieving death threats from angry Argentinians in the form of seafood recipes. One chef having threatened to catch him and 'tenderise' him, before serving up a wonderful calamari I suspect.

Poor Paul...I wonder if he'll survive to enjoy the next world cup, or whether he'll have been squid-napped (oh....that was truly awful, and taxonomically incorrect) and held for ransom by the England football team, in return for their dignity?

I feel sorry for Paul and his future of psychic evaluation and scientific probing. That pod is gonna be SO sick of mussels by next month.

Long Time no See.....Check this out....

2010-04-29T13:46:00.002+01:00

Hello Everyboday :D

I haven't updated here in a while...my apologies, but I'm spending 3 months in Asia and blogging over on my travelblog. I can barely keep up there as it is, trying to do two would kill me!

I did however, just have to direct you to the site of a relatively new blogger. He's someone I've known for over ten years, one of the funniest people I've ever met, and he's just begun to write. He's been keeping me entertained with his musings over the past couple of weeks and you should TOTALLY check out his blog, click here, click now! You won't be disappointed :D

B xxx

Missing me? I'm over here..

2010-04-06T11:16:00.001+01:00

Hello All :)

Incase you've wondering where I've gone, I'm in Thailand, kicking off my 3 month SE Asian adventure. I'm blogging over at Fly Away With Me for the next few months...check it out :D xxx

SURPRISE!!

2010-03-28T17:58:00.034+01:00

A lot of you will know that my dearest darling sister organised surprise leaving drinkies for me this Friday. A lot of you will know because you probably recieved the message that she sent around to almost everybody in my phonebook! Raped and pillaged my mobile she did.

Apparently it was also all over Facebook, how I managed to miss it I have NO idea, clearly I'm not nosy enough!

Friday was excellent, I arrived at the pub under the impression that I was meeting a 6ft 4 policeman and his mates for a pub crawl (care of Wilf Porkie Enterprises) and found two tables full of a completely random assortment of lovely lovely people.

Caroline, Choy, Uma and Viv were there from the zoo, Bruce and Chris from work, my old housemate Steve, Wilfy and Jo who had got me to the pub in the first place, and of course the lovely Nicki were all waiting to surprise me! There were balloons and there was cake and nibbles and lots and lots of booze. There was also an exceptionally excellent white vest being passed around that people were writing messages on. I'm taking it with me and using it as a sleeping top....should be a bit of an ice breaker in the good ole dorm rooms.

After a while, Nicki recieved a phone call from someone who was coming, but neither of us recognised his number. He was described as having an indian accent and for the life of me I could not think of who it might be, until I saw Julio wandering through the pub. That would explain why I couldn't think who it was, he speaks with a very strong Spanish accent! Julio is a painter decorator that we've had in a couple of times to do some jobbies at work. He's absolutely lovely and proceeded to plonk himself at the bar with his mate, from this position he held court with all the ladies and purchased tequilas with wild abandon.

And later on the lovely Kayleigh and Tom turned up, by which point most of us were pleasantly pickled....apart from Steve who was driving...poor Steve.

The whole evening was excellent, Viv was totally on form. She gives the impression of being a very kindly, sweet and benign lady, which she totally is.......and then she gets her hands on the wine. She came out with some absolute gems and took a bit of a shine to our Steve ;), grabby grabby, NORTY Viv!! She certainly helped make the evening, I think I'm a little bit in love.

There were a couple of persistent themes of the evening, the first being spillage of wine! I don't think anyone got away without being splashed by wine at some point in the evening. I was sporting a particularly spectacular purple stain...very chic.

The second theme was JENGA! Perhaps contrary to expectations, as the evening wore on and we became slightly the more worse for wear...we actually got better at Jenga, check this baby out! WIN!

Cake was lovely and booze was lovely and company was excellently lovely lovely. When we got chucked out of the Castle, Kayleigh, Tom, Jo and I moved onto somewhere in Angel for a drinky....but being CONSIDERABLY inebriated by this point, it didn't last too long and soon Jo and I were headed for the nightbus.

We were woken up halfway home by a kindly man who took pity on us and let us know we were being booted off and onto another bus. We must have been a picture of beauty and gorgeousness. Faces squished up against the windows, snoring (probably not gently). I'm impressed he had the guts to approach.

Home for CHIKIN.......and the next thing I know I woke up on the sofa at about 5am.

All the signs of an excellent night I think! Thank you Nicki for organising such a lovely evening, thank you to Jo and Wilf for propelling me in the right direction and thank you to all those who came along to wish me well on my travels. I haz a big love for all of you :o)

Please....take a peek at the photies, these are in order....more evidence for why drinking is bad. There's distinct deterioration!

Nicki fails at Jenga!

Such concentration

Cheers!

Mmm, sexah Jenga pose

The lovely Julio

Tastes good

Hee hee, fab evening guys xxx

In The Spirit of Equilibrium

2010-03-25T12:29:00.002Z

and also...I confess...partially to remove that hideous photo from No.1 position, I'd like to post this article I just came across:

http://www.macon.com/2010/03/23/1069261/bleckley-school-officials-allowing.html

You may remember that a couple of week ago I posted an article about a Mississippi school board that had cancelled a senior prom, they'd cancelled it because a lesbian student had requested that she be able to take her girlfriend as her date.

#167 Dad quite rightly highlighted the fact that this shouldn't be taken as a stereotype for the whole of the US, or even as a stereotype for all of the more conservative US states. This article proves that point.

Derrick Martin has been given permission to attend his senior prom with his boyfriend as his date. He lives in Georgia conservative Republican state, and in a town comprising of roughly 5200 residents.

Initially he was turned down by the principal of Bleckley County School, but after deliberation it was decided that there was nothing against it in the rules, and as such they could not say no.

If this can be achieved in these circumstances then there's hope for Mississippi yet....right??!

Huzzah

Hey Kayleigh....Remember This?

2010-03-23T08:50:00.006Z

Why I shouldn't drink - exhibit A

That's me licking wood....apparently. Kayleigh, she's such an artist she is. She's the sculptor of the magnificent hairstyle I'm sporting here.

Magnificent

Equally magnificent is the gift Kayleigh bestowed upon me, from her trip to Falmouth.

Behold!

My wonderful new plastic dolphin is now gracing the office along with all my other office tat.

Kayleigh also showed me how to use macro on my camera last night....I can't tell you how excited I am about that. I can't believe I didn't know I could do it, but now I do and I haz a happy.

Well.....I can only apologise for this post. I'll do better soon. I promise!

Meditating on Meditation

2010-03-21T09:34:00.004Z

Meditation is HARD!!

I went to a meditation class yesterday at the Croydon Buddhist Centre, it was very lovely, though they cleverly and subtly subscribe to that consumerist ploy, you enter and leave through the shop. I'm weak and easily influenced, so I'm now the proud owner of a new bag (with bells on...literally) and a book about meditating on the breath.

Well done me.

I was greeted by Clive and Jane, Clive made me a cuppa and offered me a biscuit, at which point I immediately fell in love. However, in my infinite strength, I managed to decline the offer of a biscuit and opted for green tea....I'm cleansing myself, cleansing...yes.

That was until the halfway teabreak when someone broke out the jammy dodgers. DAMN THEM!! Give me caffeine too!

Myself and another noob were taken into the meditation room (I hesitate to say 'shrine' room as I associate that word with nasty religion, but yes...it was a shrine room). There was a lovely golden buddha statue dressed in his saffron robe, and flowers in vases all around him. There was incense burning, and apart from that the room was very plain. A far cry from most Catholic churches you might wander into.

The teacher told us that today we'd be meditating on the mindfulness of breathing. There are different kinds of meditation, some more difficult or less accessible than others. Meditation on breathing is highly accessible because we always have our breath (fingers crossed) and it doesn't require a deep understanding of any buddhist principles. It's a good one for Westerners to use in our hectic and very un-asian lifestyles.

Then she explained to us that there are various ways you can position yourself. They've got these cushions, rectangle ones and squishy round ones, and they have lots of blankets and chairs. Basically you can use any array and combination of these things to arrange yourself in a comfy sitting/kneeling position. As a noob, everyone wanted to help me find my comfy position, I opted for kneeling (I'm a floor-sitter anyway...people in meetings at work find it most disconcerting), and I ended up perched ontop of 2 rectangular cushions, with another in front of me to rest my hands on. All this was ontop of a blanket to protect my feet, and another blanket round my shoulders incase I got cold.

I understood the emphasis on comfort after about half an hour of being sat there!

And so it started, we closed our eyes and started with a body scan, where we directed our attention to various parts of our bodies, starting at the feet and moving to the head, and concentrated on how they felt, the sensation of our clothes/the blanket/the cushions against them. Being a beginner this was difficult, and I found that I had to twitch every body part she was talking about to remind myself where it was and what it felt like. I can see how after a lot of practice you can become aware enough of yourself to (for a start, not have to twitch) feel whether maybe there's something going wrong somewhere. Does this part of me feel normal? No? What's wrong there then?

Then we began the breathing, 4 stages. In all stages you concentrate on the breath and try to tune everything else out. At first, you count after you exhale a breath, one to ten. In the next stage, you count before you inhale. I know I know...surely, counting after you exhale and counting before you inhale is the same thing?? In a way, but there's a subtle difference. By consciously counting before you inhale you're anticipating the next breath, you're not doing that by consciously counting after the exhalation. In the latter, you're finishing, in the former you're beginning.

After that you stop counting altogether and just concentrate on the breathing, then you focus even more specifically on the sensation of the breath as it passes into your body, on the lips, in the mouth and nostrils.

Again, being a first timer I had some trouble. At various points I stopped being able to feel my body and had to stretch my back and or twitch my legs to remind myself what position I was in.

Also, slightly worryingly perhaps, I found myself perpetually leaning to the left! Having to straighten myself up every so often (thank gawd everyone had their eyes closed). Every now again I felt like I was about to wobble forward. Had such a thing occurred, I'm pretty sure that I was so relaxed that my body wouldn't have woken up to respond in time and I'd just have slowly tipped forward, off of my perch onto my face and laid there for a minute...not making a sound. Rather like the felling of a tall solemn oak. If I'd have been lucky it wouldn't have been too noisy and no-one would have noticed.

I also had trouble keeping my brain on one thing, especially with all the madness running around in there at the moment. When I first closed my eyes I felt my eyeballs darting around as if to say 'Whit?? Whit?? What are you dooing?? There are PEOPLE here! Don't close your eyes, that's SOO embarrassing!' Eventually they settled down, but the brain did keep wandering slightly.

I take the piss out of myself and the situation, but I did actually really enjoy the experience. Most people living in the west have hectic lifestyles. Even those of us who like to be a couch potato usually have to get up and go to work/school/university, in order that we earn the right to be a couch potato when we get home. Even perpetual couch potatoes tend to watch telly or read, or play computer games, surf the internet. The point is that even when we're sitting and being quiet, we're not being still and letting our brains be still......ever! That's what was unusual about meditation, being SO still for an hour, letting everything else get on with it and concentrating on yourself for a little while.

It was very nice and I felt relaxed and serene afterwards, perhaps that's why I spent £15 in the shop, it's all that incense, gets to your brain.

By the by, I met someone during the break who's on the comedy course that Oggers went on, and the one that she tends bar for during the showcases. His showcase is next weekend. It's a small world. He said to me 'Did you enjoy it? You didn't find it too scary?'

That struck me. It's true, many people in London would probably walk into a room of people meditating, with their cushions and blankets, dead silence, dead stillness, and they'd think they'd walked in on a cult. They'd turn tail and run for fear of being brainwashed. It's too different, it's not normal.

Let me tell ya something!

Different is ok.

One Year of Blogging!

2010-03-20T15:46:00.040Z

Happy Birthday Blog!

My blog is one year old today, a happy bouncing baby blog. Awwwww :o)

180 posts, that's more than 2 per week, and what on earth have I found to talk about in that time? Mostly a pile of rubbish I suspect, but I thought it would be nice to put together a little photo record of a year(ish) in the life of a Sproglet:

March 2009 - The one with Oggers and the farm

April 2009 - The one with Mini and Mother Sprogs in the greenhouse *gasp*

May 2009 - The one where I moved to Walthamstow (pwiddy gerbera moving in gift from Oggers)

July 2009 - The one where I went to Italy

August 2009 - The one where Mini Sprogs and I went horse riding

August 2009 - The one with a (one of many) pubcrawl

September 2009 - The one at Notting Hill

October 2009 - The one where Mini Sprogs and I went to Barcelona

November 2009 - The one with birthday food and gerbilz! (If you really wanna see those drunk bday pictures, clickerise here.

December 2009 - The one with the Christmas Pubcrawl (#167 Dad...I have an attention-seeking ketchup bottle!!)

January 2010 - The Baking one

February 2010 - The one with Chinese New Year

March 2010 - The one where I inherited a human skull :o)

Here's looking forward to another fun and weirdness-packed year :o) xx

10:10 Carbon Friendly Backpacking?

2010-03-14T18:06:00.006Z

I've mentioned a couple of times that I've joined the 10:10uk initiative. This is an ambitious, but achievable goal to unite all sectors of society with the aim to reduce the UK's carbon footprint by 10% in the year 2010. Individuals, organisations and companies are all being encouraged to get involved.

So..if you're a regular follower, you'll also know that in about 3 weeks time (Easter Sunday in fact) I'll be leaving on a jetplane for South East Asia on a 3 month backpacking stint.

Jetplane, I'm not getting off to a good start am I?

If I were looking for a get-out clause then I could probably argue that I won't even be in the UK for 3 months so that's guaranteed to lower its footprint right? I'll be emitting all my carbon in SE Asia so who cares?

Fortunately I'm not that way inclined. Wherever in the world I am, I should be taking responsibility for the resources I'm using and the byproducts I'm producing (is this a fancy way of talking about poo??). After all, at the end of the day, the whole world will suffer, something todays 'superpowers' need to get their heads around.

So, what am I going to do to reduce my carbon footprint?

1) Use as little electricity as possible

I'm blogging my way around so I'll be using a netbook as well as a mobile phone, camera and ipod. There's the danger that I could be using a stupid amount of electricity....which is why I've invested in yet another gadget, this little beastie here:

The Freeloader, a solar charger that will charge my phone, ipod and camera batteries (possibly my netbook though I've yet to try that one). This will be good in reducing my carbon impact and also for reducing the number of chargers I have to lug around with me.

Knowing my luck it'll be cloudy and rainy the whole trip now.

2) Buying Local

It's very easy as a westerner suffering total culture shock to migrate towards anything familiar. I'm sure I'll spend a whole lot of time in Boots on Kho San Road on the first day, just stroking bottles of sun lotion and the like. But supporting local markets and shops is important, as well as really supporting the economy (rather than just the capitalist bigwigs), chances are I'll be purchasing less in the way of packaging.

I'll also get to chat to locals, practice some dire local language and try haggling (something I'm a little bit terrified of given how terribly English I am)

3) Transport

There are a couple of internal flights that I'm unlikely to be able to avoid (Cambodia to Bali for example...if anyone has a good suggestion please let me know), but mostly I'll be trying to go for buses or trains when it comes to long journies such as Bangkok to Chiang Mai and Hanoi to HCMC.

I'm a big walker, I love walking and so if I can avoid having to use a tuk tuk, mototaxi or cab whilst exploring a city, then I will. Bonus, it'll save me a little bit of money too.

In terms of transport, I'm going to try and remember to make a note of what I use and where, and then compare my average carbon usage during a month at home and a month away. A handy resource for working this out was pointed out to me a few weeks ago, a study by the UCL Environment Institute. They carried out a survey into how staff travel to work, and have worked out average footprints for different types of staff. Interesting stuff, if you'd like to read it, here's the link.

4) Use 'green' companies as far as possible, support green initiatives

For trekking opportunities, and organised visits to places like HaLong Bay which is a UNESCO world heritage site it's best to use companies that are sensitive to both the environment and those indigenous peoples living in the area. Green Discovery Laos is one such company I'll probably be harrassing.

You can also find many hostels that are striving to be 'green', and there are restaurants and bars that run schemes whereby they take on young locals as apprentices and train them up as chefs or bar management. These are good to support for the sake of the local economy, I'll be carrying around a list of some good places to visit.

5) Do Some Volunteering

Well, depending on the type of voluntary work you're doing I guess this might not directly affect your carbon footprint, but I like to include it because it fits in with the general theme of awareness. One organisation I'm dying to spend some with is Big Brother Mouse in Luang Prabang.

The main thing these guys do is teach Lao kids how to read and write Lao, in an effort to increase rates of literacy in the country. As you can imagine, I wouldn't be much good at that! What they also do is, from 9-11am every morning, they encourage English speaking tourists to drop by and chat to Lao teens and young adults, to help them develop their English conversational skills. I'd love to do this for at least a few days.

Although it might not directly impact on your carbon footprint, doing work like this helps you to learn more about the people and the culture you're submerging yourself in. I think that this in turn increases your awareness of how your activities might affect them and makes you more likely to take care of how you treat the country you're moving through.

Those are the main things, but there's also the little things like making sure I throw away all my rubbish, don't waste anything, take my own water bottle etc etc. When you think about it there are lots of little things you can do to try and leave as little trace of yourself as possible...who wants to see piles of backpacker detritus building up?

If you haven't joined already then check it out here 10:10uk.

What will you be doing over the next few months to lower your carbon footprint?

Tarrah xx

Homophobia makes me haz an angry

2010-03-12T09:22:00.003Z

"A school board in the US state of Mississippi has cancelled a high school prom after a female student asked to attend with her girlfriend."

You can read the full story here.

Apart from the blatant homophobic discrimination, the part of the story that got to me the worst is a quote from the lady in question:

"A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this"

Yes they probably will. The sad truth is that lots of her fellow students will be more upset and angry about not being able to go to their highschool prom than the fact that their school, state and much of their country is suppressing basic human rights.

Gah!

Where's my MOJO!!

2010-03-08T09:06:00.006Z

I feel that I must apologise for my distinct lack of blogging mojo at the moment!! Thanks to #167 Dad who has been plugging away replying to even my most dire 'Dear Diary-esque' postings.

It seems that the trauma of the move home, all kinds of evil things going on at work, and the slight mental panic of my trip being less than a month away has contrived to rob my of my (tenuous to start with) creative edge.

Luckily in less than a month I'll be having SO much to write about that I won't be able to fit it all in, so it's a momentary glitch.

Whoop!!

Now I'm going to go and learn some lao and play with my new solar charger, it's very pwiddy, I'll tell you all about it soon when I do my Bloggers Unite post for 10:10 Cutting Carbon Emissions. Join in if you haven't already :)

Img Cred

Month of Madness

2010-03-06T08:05:00.005Z

Well, March is well on it's way to becoming possibly the most manic month ever.

So far this month I've been to the doctors twice for vaccinations. Well, the nurse actually, her name is Zenith and she was very very lovely!

I had been slightly concerned that I'd have to have 5 different injections, what with needing Diptheria, Polio, Typhoid, Hepatitis and Tetanus. But luckily, those clever pharmaceutical companies have combined diptheria, polio and tetanus into one, and typhoid and hepatitis into something called Hepatyrix...catchy.

I'm glad it wasn't 5 different injections, because just those two made my shoulder ache like a bitch for about 3 days.

It's lucky Zenith was very lovely as I do tend to rather make a tit of myself....ALL the time. The second time I visited I was having an injection which had to be given in the bottom. It wasn't as bad as you imagine, they give it right at the top, so you just pull your trousers down a little bit.

However, the entire time I kept saying 'stop looking at mah ass!', or 'stop touching mah ass!'

A bit self destructive really, as the mixture of perplexity and mirth probably served to distract her a tad.

Yesterday was just ridiculous as EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong at the last second for a practical that I was running, including a fire alarm at the last second which sent all the demonstrators and students out in to the cold.

Coming up...well, I think everyone has decided that they must see me one last time before I go and die miserably and horribly in South East Asia, or, as ThatIsTheWhy kindly posted on a previous entry:

'kidnapped/sold for spares/struck down by jungle fever/lost/injured/struck down by malaria/robbed/raped/struck down by encephalitis/poisoned/sold to a whore house/struck down by typhoid... you know... the list goes on..'

Thanks for that!

So the next couple of weeks is a whirlwind of social arrangements. It's great actually because as well as mates whom I see every couple of weeks or more, I'm also catching up with friends whom I haven't seen properly for ages! Clara and Arlene came to my birthday party in November, but I was already as pissed as the proverbial fart, and they left relatively early as Claray had to work, so it'll be fabulous to see them properly next Friday, along with Mikey who I've only seen properly a couple of times since we moved from Streatham!

My mate Claire from college who lives and work in Loughborough now is down this weekend and I'll be seeing her tonight, it's months since we've managed to meet up.

Vicky, Kayleigh, Mark, my lovely Jojo, Steve, Angela, all people I must see before I leave! If I've left you out it's not malice...my brain just doesn't work properly.

I'm going to see Osteology Lady on Monday :o) So I should have an update on Yorkie for you!

I bet you simply cannot wait.

Alas.......Poor Yorkie

2010-03-02T19:08:00.005Z

No, I didn't get it wrong...I'm original. Geddit?

Neither do I, it's ok.

Bruce got a very interesting email today, amongst the usual boring complaints about lack of water pressure, malfunctioning air conditioning and broken door hinges, this gem of an email really stood out.

It was from a guy called Toby explaining how he had this skull.......Apparently it was found in a filing cabinet that came from Central Services, but they believe it originally belonged to us ('us' being a very loose term, I suspect anyone working within the Division of Biosciences constitutes 'us'). It's been gathering dust in the PhD office for a couple of years and he figured it should be returned to its rightful owners.

'Oh...and we think it's real'

As soon as I heard 'real' I wanted it, I wanted a real human skull, I want it for my office. MINE! Bruce seemed equally enamored so we asked where we could pick it up from and I hurried over post-haste.

When I was presented with said skull (which the current owner seemed remarkably reluctant to touch) I was surprised at the relatively small size, but then, I'm used to lugging alligator skulls around at the zoo.

At first I was a little skeptical over whether it was real or not. This may have been because of his fetching additions. There are springs attaching the temples to the mandible in order to allow demonstration of how muscles work the jaws, and lovely little clips on each side of the cranium that hold on the top half of the skull, it's been neatly sliced off to allow inspection of the insides.

Upon closer inspection I've decided that it's likely real, I've seen a few replicas in my time and this has faaar too much detail. If it's a replica then it's a very good one!

The guys I picked it up off of began asking me questions:

'Can you tell us anything about it?'

'Male....female?'

'Age?'

Whereupon I started to feel exceedingly stupid...but consoled myself with the fact that had Bruce come to pick it up he'd have been just as stumped! I confessed that I knew nothing but that I could probably give it to someone who did. Before I left they made me promise to email with anything I found out. Clearly they'd become quite attached over the years....I wonder if they'll lament the loss of their bookend?

So, as promised, when I returned to the office I looked up the guy who ran the MSc in Palaeoanthropology and sent him a little email. One of the things I love about working at UCL is being able to send strange little emails like this, I'd never have sent this working at TESCO:

Hello Andrew,

I hope my email finds you well :o)

My colleague and I received a strange email today asking if we’d like to rehome a skull that’s been gathering dust with them for a while. They found it in a filing cabinet that they got from central stores and must have found us in association with the Div of Biosciences.

When I picked it up they seemed interested to know a bit about it, ie, male, female, age etc. I can’t give them ANY of that detail (for shame…I did the palaeoanthropology module with Charlie in 2004ish). I was wondering if you know anyone I can show it to who might be able to shed some light?

This is where I take it to someone and find out it’s plastic…….I think I’ll prepare a hole to bury myself in, just in case.

Thanks very much for your time, I look forward to hearing from you,

Yours,

Becki

To which he replied:

Hi Becki,

This is one of the emails I will remember!! I have given AC a ring, who is a postdoc in the IoA in human osteology, and she would be happy to have a look at it. Her email is (booger), but I am copying her in, so she will probably get in touch.

Best wishes,

Andrew

(Her email isn't REALLY booger, but that would be cool!)

I tell you what, it's so nice when we have little interesting things like this going on to just distract us from the endless firefighting that we seem to do sometimes.

Alas.....poor Yorkie....we know him not at all!! But soon we shall....Horatio...*ahem*

Do I hear Shakespeare turning in his grave?

The Big Move

2010-03-01T18:42:00.004Z

Phew....boy am I glad that's over!

This move has only set in concrete a long held suspicion. That suspicion being that my possessions (that's too many s's surely!!) secretly fornicate and multiply whilst I'm not looking.

When I moved into this place in Walthamstow I had the same amount of stuff PLUS a wardrobe and a set of drawers. Dad thinks the drawers were flatpacked, but after thinking about it I distinctly recall us hefting that bastard set of drawers into the back of the van. The wardrobe was unceremoniously strapped to the roof of the van.

I kept all the cardboard boxes I used in the first move flatpacked under the bed for reuse, and so I know I had the same number of cardboard boxes. The same number of plastic boxes from under the bed, the same slowcooker, CD rack, various bags of crap, bed. The same laundry racks, rolled up carpet and tub chair that I harangue my ever-suffering father into moving for me whenever the whim takes me.

All packed into the same van.

So why this time so tight? I left the set of drawers behind....so that should have freed up a crapload of room!

The one possible variant is the ubiquitous black binliners full of clothes. I didn't think I'd bought more clothes. I don't buy clothes.

I do.....however....steal clothes. From my sister. She has so many clothes that she doesn't even notice. And I only ever stole them from the 'spare' room, where clothes go to die, or be sold on Ebay/at a jumble sale.

However, I like to think I offset my ill-gotten gains with a massive bag of clothes that I recycled. Well, I tried to recycle them, Waltham Forest council claims to recycle clothes. In reality they sat in the recycling bin in a clear binliner outside the house in the rain for about a week..before I gave up and chucked them in the bin.

I tried, I did try.

Anywhoo, I remember last time being so impressed at how neatly everything had packed into the back, how much room (relatively) there seemed to be left, how STRESS FREE it had been (time heals all wounds).

Before my dad turned up at 9am I thought it would be a good idea to bring everything downstairs. I'm ashamed to say that the idea hadn't occurred to me a few days previous...of course my father doesn't want to be traipsing up and down stairs with his gammy knee, fingers, head, shoulders knees and toes knees and toes. I blame the lapse in foresight on the fact that I was desperately attempting to avoid thinking about the fact that I was moving AGAIN!

Nonetheless, the thought did eventually occur and I began to take boxes and bags etc etc downstairs. 17 boxes and 8 binliners later, along with all the other shite that inhabits my room...I was starting to get a bit worried. HOW much? Still, my arguments from above allayed my fears, no drawers, same stuff, no drawers, same stuff.

Right?

Only just.

This time it was a crowbar jobbie, a KY Jelly and shoehorn jobbie! Dad took one look and raised his eyebrows, 'well, the mattress will be going on the top'. And so it began, Dad started loading the van whilst I ran a hoover around my room, trying to chase down all those stray hairs I leave behind wherever I go. Despite my efforts they're guaranteed to be finding long blonde hairs for weeks, it's almost inevitable!

As the van gets more and more full I contemplate nipping down to Lloyds pharmacy for the aforementioned KY jelly. But finally, FINALLY everything seems to be in. Everything except my laptop, coat and fern which I hold in my lap...thereby obscuring one of the only mirrors my dad has left for the purposes of driving safely.

We may have fitted everything in the van...but will we get home alive?

We got home alive, and survived the marvellous pyrotechic-esque belongings-explosion that issued from the van when we dared to open one of the back doors.

I'm almost fully installed now........what a flippin palaver

I blame that kingsize duvet, I moved in with a double.....definitely the kingsize duvet.

What am I going to do with a useless shoehorn and all this KY jelly??! I can read your minds you grotesque individuals....wash your brains out.

Moving.....again, and the Winter Rooftop BBQ

2010-02-26T19:14:00.000Z

I'm moving....again.

Back in with the parentals again. This time comes in many a young persons life, having flown the nest for a couple of years, circumstance will almost always conspire to take you back to the bosom of your loving family for a while, sometimes on more than one occasion.

My circumstances involve 3 months travelling (incidentally, in answer to Jamies question in the comments some time ago, yes I will be blogging whilst I'm away, you can follow over on Fly Away With Me, my travel blog). Ma and pa are kindly taking me back in for a month before I go away and when I come back until I find my feet again. I'm moving in this coming weekend, so all may be quiet for a few days.

I should be packing as we speak, but I'm the kind of person who need 'the fear'. Dad is arriving at 9am on Saturday, I'll probably finish my packing at roughly, 8:45am Saturday morning.

In fact, I'll probably still be packing when he arrives......

Enough of that! Depending on how traumatic it is I'll give you the lowdown sometime next week.

On Friday I attended a winter rooftop BBQ. Is it still officially winter? Are we in Spring yet? I've lost all track of time and season. It certainly felt like winter that's for sure.

This is Kayleigh and Toms place again...you may remember them, they're the gerbil people...a flicker of recognition, I knew you'd remember. Just to remind you, Kayles and Tom live in a lovely little studio. In the set of flats they're in, they're the only ones with their own bathroom, huge tub, lovely. It's a very cosy little place, and every time Kayles has a gathering she starts to fret about how she'll fit everyone in, but it always turns out fine.

It started off pretty quiet, but more people turned up and Rob even turned up with the second half of the BBQ eventually! Huzzah!! Just when people were starting to get hungry too, what timing eh?

Kayles mate from uni....also called Kayleigh, which was convenient because I'm RUBBISH with names...came along with her mate Dillon. Dillon turned out to be a hero BBQ master! At every BBQ there's always someone who emerges as the master and Dillon filled those shoes perfectly. I was in awe and spent most of my time standing outside staring into the embers in fascination, soaking up the testosterone.

The food was cooked to perfection, most BBQ's I've been to are of the typical British variety where you're served up offerings fitting one of two categories:

- Raw to the point where you may have just scraped it off the pig

- Charred to the point where the sausages, burgers and chicken become entirely indistinguishable from one another in both appearance and taste.

Despite Kayleigh being upset that many people had dropped out, I thought the company was great, and not many more people would have fitted comfortably into the room. I noted definite emperor penguin type behaviour, with people rotating between the roof terrace and the flat. All very altruistic! Toms mates John and Leon turned up, Toms brother Rob and his mate Rich, Kayles mates Sasha, Lorraine, Kayleigh and Dillon. Have I forgotten anyone? I apologise muchly if I have.

The entertainment was also excellent. Tom is a Dee-Jay...did I get that right? He and his mates spent much of the night mixing tracks. There were two MASSIVE speakers out on the roof terrace blaring music into the night....which led to what must have been the highlight of the evening.....

At one point in the evening most of us were out on the roof tucking into lovely burgers and hotdogs etc, when we noticed a guy down on the pavement who was dancing to the music like he was in a trance club. We pointed him out to each other..he seemed completely oblivious to us and totally into the music, we wondered whether he was on something.

Tom's mate Luke arrived in the middle of all this and we pointed the dancing man out to him...at this point he'd been there at least ten minutes....Luke looked over and laughed, then said 'hang on a sec....that's my cousin!' We thought he was kidding until he called out the guys name and he looked up, waved and headed towards the pub (this place is above a pub by the way).

Luke ran downstairs to meet him, but, and this is the most surreal moment of the night, as I was chatting away to Kayleigh and some others, I suddenly saw him emerge onto the roof over a wall. He'd just climbed up the wall! Like some kind of SpiderPig.

Amazing.

He stayed a while, and for your enjoyment here's a little vid of Tom and Luke on the decks and the other Tom (I believe that was his name but as I said...bad memory for names) dancing away in the background.

Classic, great evening!

Try, FAIL, and A New Tattoo

2010-02-25T22:16:00.006Z

I tried to do a lovely winter rooftop BBQ post for you, but the video I want to add WON'T UPLOAD ON YOUTUBE!!

Miserable fail :o(

In addition, my landlord Grant just told me that he has a problem.....a problem with my face!

Well, Grant! I've got a problem with you breathing! So there!

On the upside....I've been wanting a tattoo that represents my family for ages, and I finally got it :). Now, I know my father has recently taken to reading my blog quite regularly and I'm sure that the fact it's for the family still won't make him like it, but DADDEH, IT'S FOR YOU!!

Love you :o)

Ok, so before I put up the (really BAD) photo, I'll explain what it means.

The four big spirals are Maori koru. The symbol comes from the koru fern in New Zealand, the new fronds are formed as spirals and unfurl into fern leaves. As such, the koru is a symbol of new life and strength.

When you put two or more koru together, it represents a loving bond or relationship between that number of people. So my four koru represent my loving family.

Here it is.....taking pictures of your own forearm is nigh on impossible, so please forgive the very dodgy photography. I'll get someone to take a nicer one sometime soon :)

I love it, and most people that have seen it seem to too :o). It seems to be healing well *touch wood* and is pwiddy :)

Chinese New Year London Stylee

2010-02-22T11:22:00.010Z

As promised, I headed into taaan for the Chinese New Year celebrations this weekend. I've never visited central London during the celebrations before and I wasn't sure what to expect...how many people?

I was a little shocked I must say. The main performances etc were being held in Trafalgar Square. Firecrackers, dotting the Dragons eyes in a ceremony that 'brings them to life', dragon dancing, lion dancing and all kinds of other displays. It all kicked off at 12pm and I thought I'd turn up around that time.

STUPID!!

When I hit Trafalgar Square I was amazed at the sheer number of people who had come out for the day, especially given the rather nasty damp weather. There was no hope of getting anywhere close to the stage, it was a struggle to even get down into the square proper. Everywhere were red helium-filled balloons and people with mini dragons-on-sticks. Red chinese lanterns adorned just about every wall or railing. Kids (and some girlfriends) were lifted onto shoulders to enjoy the show.

I could hear stuff, but couldn't see anything for love nor money...so after a short bimble around and a couple of photos I decided to make my way to China Town where there was bound to be some bits and bobs going on.

As I approached China Town I could hear the sound of drumming and followed my ears to a small side street where a large crowd had gathered. From within the crowd I could hear the drumming, and then over their heads I saw two chinese dragons cavorting around in the street outside the local shops.

From my dodgy vantage point, all of a sudden, I saw shredded cabbage leaves being thrown into the audience....WTF??

After becoming a sheep and following the crowd around for a little while I figured out what was going on. The dragons were stopping outside every shop that had hung a cabbage outside. Attached to the cabbage was a red envelope that contained money. The dragon did his dance outside the shop doorway and then 'reared up' to grab the cabbage and the envelope. He then proceeded to shred the cabbage to bits and 'spit' it out all over the audience and in front of the shop.

I later found out that this ritual is called 'the picking of the greens'. In chinese mythology, dragons are meant to scare away evil spirits, so to have a dragon visit your establishment is to ensure good fortune and prosperity for the coming year.

Unfortunately I couldn't get close enough to get a decent video of the whole ritual, but I was lucky enough to be in the line of fire when the dragons finished in one street and lolloped around to the next, they came straight past me. And later on I caught them with a man actually dangling a cabbage from the first floor of his restaurant, I got some pics of that.

Waiting for the dragon

Nom Nom Cabbage!

Cabbage eating dragons....why don't WE have fascinating festivals and rituals like this? No imagination!

I also fell prey to the mood of the day and found myself purchasing an absolutely beautiful white chinese-style tunic top with an embroidered peacock on the front. NOT to be worn whilst drinking red wine. Beautiful it is. When I have camera batteries again I'll take a pic!

It was great seeing so many people out celebrating. Chinese food stand lined the streets, and one couple had dressed their small son in traditional chinese dress. He looked like a little prince, utterly gorgeous and cute.

Ironically, I then went and had dinner in Bella Italia...for a sociable person I canny stand crowds!!

Still Time To Vote

2010-02-21T22:43:00.003Z

Oh...and there's still time to vote on your choice of comedy British dance for the 2012 London Olympic Opening Ceremony. Check out your options here, and vote in the little widget to the right there....just there, see it?

Maybe if I get enough votes I'll send it to the Olympic Commitee for fun. I think I'll send it anyway, they'll need some cheering up, what with having to deal with whatever overbearing designer convinced them to build that excuse for accomodation I see around the 02.....bless.

Fish Slapping is winning so far, Monty Python is timeless after all!!

Beast of Walthamstow?

2010-02-21T22:16:00.004Z

I'm a bit of a window-gazer...I'll admit

I have no reason to be, I'm hardly a prisoner in my own home, I'm out there causing trouble more often than most people would like.

But just now, as I was gazing moronically through the double glazing, as is my way, I saw the shadow of what looked like a suspiciously large cat roaming over the rooftops of the houses across the way.

MAYBE this was merely a trick of the light, perhaps a friendly neighbourhood dog has taken up noctural freerunning, or those foxes I hear shagging in the garden have taken a step towards spicing up their lovemaking.

'How about gravity Hettie? I've heard that dangling your front-bottom in the breeze makes for wonderful orgasm'.

Hum

I'm not too proud to admit my windows will be firmly shut tonight, not the kind of beast I want in my bedroom thankee very muchly! Beggars...choosers :D

'yes, lovely dahling, just.....clip those claws next time, Kthxbai!'

Strangely enough...as I was being freaked out by (quite possibly) imagined feline, Mini Sprogs was being freaked out by (unimagined) loser across the railway shining a laser pen through her window (she'd just talen her top off). The sight of Nicki's bewbies would be enough to send anyone into a mad frenzy, but this is just silly!!

Dad went into the garden and shone a torch threateningly into the window of the laser-perve. Go Daddy!

Nightime nonsense :)

I'll be back soon with a decent post I promise, nighty night for now :)

Some Wise Words

2010-02-16T22:28:00.003Z

A post by James over at The Buddhist Blog caught my attention today and directed me to an interview between Oprah and Thich Nhat Hanh, an 85 year old Zen Master from Vietnam.

James posts his own favourite quote from the interview which you can find in it's entirety here, but I'd like to post my own favourite, one that resonated quite strongly with me:

'I know that we do not know enough. We have to continue to learn. We have to be open. And we have to be ready to release our knowledge in order to come to a higher understanding of reality. When you climb a ladder and arrive on the sixth step and you think that is the highest, then you cannot come to the seventh. So the technique is to abandon the sixth in order for the seventh step to be possible. And this is our practice, to release our views. The practice of nonattachment to views is at the heart of the Buddhist practice of meditation. People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don't suffer anymore.'

I've always been a judgemental person with strongly held views, I've identified it in myself as I've grown up and I try VERY hard to recognise those times when I'm leaping to judge, and to stop. However, it'll take time because it's so ingrained, often you're not even conscious of it. I'll keep working at that.

I also love his illustration of the leap of faith it sometimes takes to push yourself past your comfort zone, past the boundaries that you've built up for yourself. You have to let go of what you know in order to discover what you don't.

So much in buddhism is common sense, if only we'd stop to think about it for a second.

Embarrassment

2010-02-16T20:20:00.002Z

Today I was caught outside the toilets in a restaurant, by a member of staff, performing a grotesque hip-thrusting dance.

I may also have been producing a noise comparable to a donkey in considerable pain.

I'm glad I was on my way out.

Allow me to explain.

I quite enjoy embarrassing my sister when we're out together...only a little bit. She's easily embarrassed so it usually doesn't take TOO much shameful behaviour on my part to illicit a satisfying reaction. If I'm ever going to do anything really embarrassing I tend to do it in a quiet place with only the slight risk of discovery by anyone alien.

Today Nicki and I went to Gourmet Burger Kitchen, as Nicki's reward for bringing me my passport...plus she's a bit poor, we need to keep her from withering away.

At the end of the meal we decided to visit the 'facilities' to perform our ablutions before we made our separate ways home. The toilets are a bit sad and there's one for both sexes, then one disabled one. I baggsied the men/women one, finished first and waited for Nicki in the little toilet foyer bit.

As she emerged, I realised I had a bit of an underwear issue going on. Butt-mining knickers, you know what I mean laydeez.

Under the circumstances, any normal person would have discretely removed said undergarments from said orifice and moved on.

Not I.

I grabbed said undergarments, and performed a series of simultaneous yanking/hip-thrusting movements, whilst honking like a donkey.

Nicki looked on in horror and said 'You DO know that staff sometimes come through he.........'

At which point the door behind us opened and I immediately ceased and started laughing in a strange mixture of amusement, embarrassment and defiance. I turned around to face my shame, to my relief the guy was just grinning and proceeded to hold the door open for us in a polite gesture of 'get the hell out of here'.

By the time Nicki and I got outside we were practically wetting ourselves...we could hear the guy laughing behind us as he FOLLOWED us to the door...presumably to make sure we left.

I succeeded in convincing myself that he was merely laughing at us laughing and that he hadn't actually seen anything....until Nicki informed me that there had been a window in the door.

Ho Hum

It's All Coming Together

2010-02-16T08:55:00.002Z

Ahhh, the thing I've been most concerned about is sorted. The reason I know I've been concerned is because I've almost been ignoring it...the possibility of it not being sorted out on time was just too horrible to comprehend...so I ignored it.

My passport has finally arrived!

I haven't wasted £1200 on tickets to Asia that won't be used!

Thank F**k.

Now I can organise Visas and internal flights because I have once again been reduced to a number. Lovely.

*Real time - just had to go outside and check out a massive crash I just heard...crossing my fingers that it wouldn't be someone with 2 broken legs having tried to carry an airtable down the stairs single-handed. It was ok*

So ladies and gents. I can really get moving on this trip planning now! Things I need to sort out in the next couple of weeks (as well as packing to move home):

Vietnam Visa

Cambodia Visa (can get at the border..but apparently overcharging is rife)

Australia Visa

Flight from Luang Prabang to Hanoi

Flight from Siem Reap to Bali

Malaria Pills

Backup cashcard

Daypack

I'm sure the list goes on and on, but I need to consult my mindmap!! I think I'm gonna be spending some serious money tonight...joyous joy.

Recently a few people have been asking me about my itinerary. I think if my dad could get away with it he'd actually inject me with some kind of nanoscopic GPS device. Here's a rough outline of my plans, they're not set in stone because to do so just invites stress when it all goes wrong! If I have enough time over the next few weeks I'll do one of my fabled google maps.

Apart from Thailand and Indonesia I'm planning on spending about 2 weeks in each SE Asian country, give or take. Thailand will be quick, and Indonesia will be 3-4 weeks:

5th April - Land in Bangkok and stay a coupla nights in the Shanti Lodge about 15 mins from Kho San Road. Stock up on bits and bobs.

7th April - Overnight train to Chiang Mai, stay a few nights in Chiang Mai Spicy Hostel

10th April stay over in Chiang Khong ready to cross into Laos and catch the 2 day slowboat to Luang Prabang at 8am.

12th April, land in Luang Prabang where I'll stay for about 12 days. Whilst I'm here I'll be doing some volunteering at Big Brother Mouse, some trekking near Luang Nam Tha, boat trips to waterfalls and caves. But best of all, I'll be there in time for Lao New Year, the biggest festival of the year. Waterfights, parades and alms giving will ensue, it's going to be fantastic!

24thish April - fly to Hanoi where I'll stay for maybe just under a week, taking a couple of days to visit Ha Long Bay and spend a night on a junk boat.

From here on in I have no specific dates!

Train Southbound through Vietnam and depending on the amount of time I have or don't have, I'd like to stop in Hoi An for a few days. It's a smaller city and would be a welcome change from Hanoi, and the bustle of Ho Chi Minh City which I'm about to hit.

I'll stay in Ho Chi Minh City long enough to visit a couple of museums that I'd like to see, but I think the madness might be a bit much for me, so I'll move swiftly onto Cambodia.

I'll enter Cambodia at the southernmost border crossing between Xa Xia and Prek Chek where I'll catch a moto to Kep on the coast. I'll recover from the madness of Vietnam on the beach eating crab and drinking beer....nom.

Bus from Kep, through Phnom Penh (again, if I have enough time I may stop for a night or two) and onto Siem Reap where I'll spend a weekish exploring Angkor Wat.

Fly to Bali! Bali Bali.....

Almost immediately I'll probably then fly to Lombok where I can embark upon a few days touring various islands and soak up the Hindu culture.

Back to Bali for a day or two before heading over to Java on the ferry.

I'll do the thing to do and visit Mount Bromo, getting there just in time to watch the sunrise over the incredible volcanic scenery, before I move onto Yogyakarta, the cultural and religious heart of Java. I intend on chilling out here for a while before I train/bus up to Jakarta in time for my flight to Sydney leaving on the 17th June. (Where did May go?)

Touch down in Sydney on the 18th June and spend a week getting drunk with Linda, Neil and possibly Wilf if he makes it out, chilling out, visiting superb places and generally having a good time.

Fly home on the 25th June.

I simply canny wait!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2010-02-14T15:23:00.013Z

2010, the Year of the Tiger!

The Chinese year is based upon the lunar month which means that it starts aroundabout late January to early February, and the festival itself lasts for 15 days.

Legend tells us that, back in the day when it all started, there was a monster called the Nien that terrorised villagers on the first day of the New Year, eating anything and everything, including villagers! They took to leaving food outside their doors in the hopes that that would sate the monsters appetite.

One day they saw that a small child dressed in red scared the Nien away, it was scared of the colour red. From then on they hung red decorations etc on their doors at New Year and let off firecrackers as an extra deterrent. It never bothered them again.

Today, red is still the symbolic colour of Chinese New Year. Red paper lanterns (amongst other colours) adorn houses and streets, and on New Years day children are given red paper envelopes containing money or other gifts.

On New Years Eve families get together for huge sumptuous meals and wish each other peace, happiness, luck and prosperity. It's traditionally a time for forgiveness and letting go of old grudges.

The tiger itself is a graceful, brave and fierce character who is supposed to protect households from the 3 main tragedies of fire, thieves and ghosts. Nowadays in this country that's probably fire, flood and repossession.

I think I'll head down to Chinatown on Sunday and check out the New Years celebrations, I went there for lunch with the Wiluf and Fabrice last week, and the lanterns completely took me in!

For my own personal little celebration today, I made some Chinese New Year cookies. I did concede slightly to Valentines day, check out the sexy heart shapes, but I tried to use some traditional new year symbols, check out el tigre:

The paper lantern:

My interwebs research indicated that this symbol means 'tiger'. It's probably a big joke and it really means 'ballbags' or something:

I believe this is a symbol conveying luck:

And the least Chinese of them all:

I know I have at least couple of Chinese/Asian readers, my apologies if I've just offended your families by etching rude slogans across my sugary treats!!

The recipe again for those who might have missed it the first time round:

225g Butter
125g Caster sugar
275g Plain flour
50g Semolina

Cream the butter first, then add the sugar, then the flour and semolina.

It looks really crumbly and unworkable at first, but grab it all together and knead it for a bit and it's all good. Don't try and manipulate it too much whilst you're rolling it all though, it's a bit temperamental and falls apart easily!

Mmmmmm, cookies!

I'll be off for a nice Lush bath soon, but for now please allow me to wish you peace, happiness and good health for 2010.

Sun nien fai lok!

Weekend Extravaganza

2010-02-13T21:31:00.009Z

I can't believe I missed Darwins Birthday!

Happy 201st Old Dude, and well done on that little evolution thing.....

There's been a Science Cookie round-up over on Ms Humbles fantastic food blog Not So Humble Pie. The lovely locusts feature, along with some fantastic science-themed cookies sent in my Humble fans from around the globe. Go check it out!

So, this weekend is Chinese New Year, 2010 Year of the Tiger!

However! In London they're not celebrating it this weekend, they're celebrating it next weekend. I suspect that this is because of the fabled Valentines Day. We wouldn't want one of the main days in one of Britains main ethnic subcultures to overshadow money-making Valentines Day now would we?

Not that I'm a bitter singleton or anything....ahem.....*cough*

I'm striking out in rebellion, and should have a little Chinese New Year themed post for y'all tomorrow.

Don't fear for I have not forgotten my Lush plan, I hit up the Croydon branch today and although the massive shop didn't happen I did purchase a lovely bath ballistic called Tisty Tosty....uber cute:

And the Wiccy Magic Muscles massage bar......lovely to take away on my travels with me. It'll be magic for all those leg, shoulder and back aches from lugging that backpack around :o)

Apart from that it'll be an Indian meal with ma and pa for Valentines....nom nom nom

Do NOT Want!!

2010-02-12T13:10:00.004Z

VIAGRA!

Pfizer...or whoever you REALLY are, get it through your thick skull!

I've actually set up a filter to send these to junkmail, and ever since I did that I seem to be getting even more. I wish I'd never bothered.

I suspect they're trying the chinese water torture method, eventually the correct area of my brain will be eroded away and I'll buy all their Viagra....or rather, send my credit card details out into the ether for the enjoyment of the criminal underworld.

Won't they be upset when they discover my pathetic credit limit..of which there's nothing left to spend...*snort*

Have you ever had one of those days?

It's one of those days today, when I sit and contemplate what I've actually done.

I've spent most of the morning diluting 100% ethanol down into various alcoholic concentrations. Later on I'll spend most of the afternoon using this diluted alcohol to get a load of earthworms really pissed.

This is true.

I've spent the rest of the morning wandering around switching ten computers on and off, twiddling knobs and dials, and desperately hunting down stray glass beakers (because I took the key to the cupboard where the beakers live home by accident.....and I need beakers). Beakers are surprisingly difficult to herd.

The rest of the day I've spent mostly drinking tea, eating malteasers...and otherwise generally attempting to consume my own bodyweight in calories.

Looking forward to a Nando's (yip yippee) with the sibling and a few pints with the bessie mate later this evening. What a lovely start to the weekend!

Now.....where are those worms.......?

The 2012 Opening Ceremony Dance-Off

2010-02-08T20:52:00.010Z

Well, living in London today you'd have to be blind, deaf and speech impaired (PC) to be unaware of the fact that we're holding the 2012 Olympics.

When we won the bid in July 2005 it was to tearful, joyous celebration! Sure enough, it will enhance British tourism no end, boost the economy and raise our international profile. There are plenty of reasons to be excited....but did they REALLY think this through?

Did they?

If you're a dedicated Olympic enthusiast (on telly of course, from the comfort and safety of your own sofa) then you'll know that the Olympic events themselves don't really matter. Who cares who wins gold in the relay, the 1500 metres, or whether Usain Bolt manages to run the 100m in 5.4 seconds this year?

The fact is that all this is secondary, what we're REALLY judging is that Opening Ceremony, that's what it all boils down to, what we as Britons will be being measured against.

We don't stand a chance!

Sure, we can pull all the fireworks out of the hat, the lightshows, incredible artistic displays etc etc etc.

But what on earth are we going to do for a national dance?

At the 2008 Beijing Olympics there were what seemed like thousands of martial arts dancers, lighted dancers and gorgeous lady-dancers in flowing imperialesque (word?) robes, performing during a seemingly endless 4 hour opening ceremony. Do we even HAVE that many people? I think they had an unfair advantage there.

in 2004 the Olympics went home, to Athens. They didn't have a dance as such, but they did have ladies with their boobies out (ok...so they were covered in body paint.....but STILL). I very much doubt we could do something like that without it looking like we were attempting to resort to our Page 3 model selection. Sheer class and elegance not being our strong point, I think it's best avoided.

The 1992 Olympics in Barcelona was seen in in traditional flamenco style.

So....what do we have?

The consensus in October 2005 seemed to be that most peculiar of British institutions....the Morris Dance. Given the increasing competition that seems to have been developing over the years in regards to opening ceremonies, (comparable only to the nuclear arms race) can you imagine how perplexed our international visitors might be when faced with a thousand strangely clad men waving hankies and sticks, bells a-jingling as they jig up and down?

This would likely follow a procession of Page 3 models headed up by Boris Johnson poised proudly under a giant helium-filled Toad in the Hole.

For those of you who may not have witnessed morris dancing in it's full glory, let me educate you.

Fear not Britain....London, for I think I may have come to the rescue. I've come up with four alternatives for your perusal and I'd like to perform a poll! Please, feast your eyes upon the glut of talent I have provided:

First off, the obvious: David Brents Charity Dance from The Office

The next option: Mr Beans Dance

Number 3: Monty Pythons Fish-Slapping Dance

And finally: Possibly my favourite, Webbs Banana Dance

I say that was my favourite, but picture a stadia filled to the brim with prancing Englishmen brandishing a mackerel in each hand. I'd pay.

In case you think I'm being unnecessarily cruel in mocking our Olympic capabilities, may I remind you of the 2012 logo:

Don't pretend like you don't remember how it's been described!

Vote away ladies and gents!

Kitty want Fishy Flake?

2010-02-07T15:38:00.008Z

I always thought that owning cats and fish at the same time would be a recipe for disaster, and for a long time ICanHazCheezburger always seemed to back up my suspicions.

But over the past few years, knowing a few people with cats has cured me of this kitty discrimination. Jo's (or Ogs as you may know her from numerous other posts) cats, Mornington and Lucy, in particular seem to do quite well in getting along with their fishy neighbours Roger, Didger and Co. This is quite impressive really, given that they are prone to dragging in the odd mouse, sparrow, and even pigeons.

This may be partly due to Jo's strategic positioning of the fish tank....right on the edge of a ledge where the cats can't easily reach round to flip up the lid without suffering a decidedly ego-bruising plummet onto the sofa. However, we all know that cats are pretty stubborn, and if they really wanted to they could get into that fishtank. A relatively easy alliance seems to exist betwixt them.

Quite remarkable given that just yesterday Jo and I were treated to this spectacle:

That would be Lucy, attempting with all her might to squeeze her entire head into the fishfood container, lapping up the morsels at the bottom. So desperate was her struggle that she almost suffocated herself (a couple of times she quite clearly had to come up for air, given enough time she'd have evolved a blowhole I'm sure) and pierced Jo's hand in the process.

Jo eventually retreated, for fear of losing her fingers, whereupon Lucy resorted to dipping her paw in to get to the rest. This was after she'd tried snuffling the pot along the shelf and only succeeded in almost tipping it off the edge.

I've always known the cats were partial to a few fishy flakes. We always take the mick out of Mornington for being a bit stupid, bless her heart, but that cat knows the sound of the fishfood container lid coming off. She can hear it from a hundred yards, she can hear it from the end of the shared garden with all the windows closed. Despite being slightly overweight that cat can move like greased lightning when she wants to, with a brief pause to squeeze her shapely behind through the catflap she's there in 3 seconds flat.

Fishy flakes...second only to catnip.

When Jo's away and I'm looking after the flat, it's gotten to the point where I deliberately feed the cats first so they're distracted, turn up the telly and then very carefully and quietly open the fishfood. It's the only way I can perform the feat in safety.

The only thing I can say is....Jo, you'd better hope those cat's don't realise that Roger tastes like a large, moist fishy flake. You'll have all out war on your hands!

UCL Goes Green....or at least it's trying

2010-02-05T13:33:00.013Z

The wonderful thing about working at UCL, and probably any university, is that there's always something going on. The front quad in recent years and months has been home to countless goings on.

In July of last year you'd have found a psychedelic kangaroo gracing the quad, a clever ploy by an Aussie travel company to promote Kangaroo Island in Southern Australia.

In October last year a Routemaster bus took up residence in the quad, containing a precious relic from the UCL museum archives. Anyone and everyone was invited to come and see it at it's unveiling, no matter their professional or academic background, the idea being that a unique network of knowledge and information would build up around the object with everyone viewing it from their own perspectives.

March 2008 saw Girls Aloud draping themselves across the UCL Portico in filming a Kit Kat advert...oh the glamour.

Not to mention the hundreds of student graduation receptions that have been held on the infamous UCL Portico.

This week I returned from a sneaky pub lunch to find a student campaign in full swing in the front quad. This was a week-long Go Green Campaign being held by the UCLU Environmental and Ethics Forum. The microphone they were using was being powered by a bicycle hooked up to a generator, so some of the poor people were having to cycle whist delivering their green messages.

Amongst stalls from the likes of Friends of the Earth and Camp for Climate Change, UCL Estates and Facilities Division lurked, with their lovely electric vans! That was my boss Bruce, then Tony and Shane from EFD.

UCL has relatively recently embarked upon an energy saving mission. I've mentioned in a previous post that we have signed up to 10:10, an initiative to cut the UK's carbon emissions by 10% in 2010. UCL personally has a more modest target of cutting its own emissions by 10% by 2013.

Unfortunately, saving energy at UCL is going to involve a serious change in culture, but I believe this is indicative of many large organisations, and indeed the UK in general. People don't bother because they consider that their individual efforts will be useless in the grand scheme of things....

....well....of course they will if EVERYONE thinks like that. It needs to be hammered in so that we can all work towards the same goal. Turn the lights off behind you, don't leave your computer on overnight, don't leave your aircon on overnight....no you DON'T need 3 electric heaters, it's the height of summer!!....

UCL have employed some of their green tools already, check out these babies!!

Believe it or not, this little widget actually charges from a normal 13amp socket. You just plug it in like a mobile phone. I think I want one, EFD will have to watch their fleet carefully when I'm around.

This one needs a bit more, but is still electric. Apparently it achieves a max of about 50mph, but it accelerates like it's got a rocket up its bum. Handy cup holders too.

And look at theeeese....

.....sexy.

I've heard a few people comment that noone will know what landfill is, but I (perhaps naiively) like to think that the student body is clever enough to realise what that means. I initially wondered why EFD chose to use the term landfill,I've come to the conclusion that 'landfill' has negative connotations. We all know that landfill = bad, and so hopefully it will act as a deterrent to too much recyclable waste being thrown in that bin.

Only time will tell if they work. I have my fingers crossed.

We've also joined EcoCampus, an environmental management system that allows universities to be recognised for addressing environmenal sustainability issues.....woo. UCL is currently in the initial bronze phase.

All good stuff I think, steps in the right direction.

I have to leave you with some greatness. As I wandered up to the Go Green Campaign marquee, I was just in time to hear a young chap named Danny Chivers delivering some 'slam poetry' (what IS that? Gawd...I feel old). I believe he specialises in politics and sarcasm, this particular gem is entitled 'Risk Assessment' and deals with the problems of bumblebees, sex, and the UK anti-terrorism laws that have been bastardised and exploited to excuse the breach of quite a few human rights:

I used to like bees
I'd watch them bumbling through the leaves
And hum along with their good vibrations
Until I learned that they killed more people last year than THE TERRORISTS did.
Now I write letters to the Daily Mail
Demanding strict border controls on the entrances to hives
And random police raids on patches of lavender.

Which makes about as much sense
As our attempts
At a notional national defence
Against a terrorist threat
About as dangerous as stepping outside in the wet
(Pneumonia is Britain's fifth biggest killer)

I almost feel a kind of pride
In our innocence and trust as we're all taken for a ride
On the paranoia bus with the
Bullet-proof windows firmly closed and every steel door secure
Glancing at the dark-skinned people outside.

Mount Snowden kills as many people as terrorism
So let's drag it down to Belmarsh
Hold it without trial for 42 days
Til it confesses to conspiring to undermine our British way
Of life.
Whatever that is.

More people are killed by taking the wrong pills than by terrorist attacks
Which means the money that's planned for ID cards, armed guards, putting people behind bars without charge
Would save more lives if spent instead on
Better-labelled jars.

You're more likely to be killed by a rare disease
Or win the national lottery
You're more likely to be killed by a hernia
You're more likely to be killed by your furniture

You're more likely to be done over by your lover
To meet your end at the hands of a friend
You're more likely to commit suicide yourself
Than be killed by the suicide of somebody else.

And stress kills thousands every year
So – an ironic twist –
You're more likely to be killed by the fear of terrorism
Than by a terrorist.

So how to explain this?
Our government's obsessed
An endless war against a risk
Not properly assessed

For which they need broader state powers to watch you at all hours, CCTV, ID – they don't mean to intrude, but could you include an ample selection of bodily samples? – longer detention, not to mention the need to obtain evidence mysteriously from overseas but let them explain: it doesn't count as torture if somebody elsewhere is doing it for ya, same as having your phone tapped by some information vandal isn't really a scandal because civil liberties must be balanced against the need for greater security, surely you don't really need that jury, with so many new offences in store there's bound to be one or more made just for you, even if you only meant to create peaceful dissent against society's ills, you'll still find yourself on the line out front in a new witch hunt during open season…

But it's definitely all about terror and you'd be making a grave error bordering on treason to suggest that they might want these powers for any other reason.

Well,

I won't be gagged, or tagged and numbered
Won't have my genes and eyeballs plundered
At my own expense for a defence that won't work against a threat that couldn't get much smaller,
They won't get my photograph, my details, my age
(So long as they don't log onto my Facebook page)
And when they show up for me
I won't go quietly
I'll tell them to go out and fight the real enemy
Because sex kills more people than terrorism
And so does pregnancy
So let's drop the terror cops
And swap
The thought police for the sex police.

I bet they'll have much better uniforms.

http://adaisythroughconcrete.blogspot.com/

Valentines! The Ultimate Marmite!!

2010-02-04T19:26:00.005Z

In my experience, when it comes to Valentines Day there are two camps.

The Sweet Camp - These are the guys who revel in the romantic spirit of February the 14th. It's a day of hearts and roses and chocolates, teddies, cards, ribbons, kissing, dinner, wine, cuddles....and everything else you might like to get up to ;)

It tends to be mostly (but not exclusively) comprised of ladies (and gents) in relationships.

The Sour Camp - These are the guys who revel in the seething vitriol of February the 14th. It's a day of poking fun at the doe-eyed couples wandering around too wrapped up in each other to realise that they're the sheep-like victims of consumerism at it's worst!!

Almost entirely comprised of people who aren't getting any sex.

What's interesting is the capacity of some to swing manically back and forth between the two camps like a psychotic shuttlecock......serial monogamists.

I simplify things somewhat I'll admit. There are the inbetweenies, but they tend to be less vocal. I think I fit in this inbetweeny group.

Since I've gotten old enough to appreciate what Valentines Day is, I've had my fair share of couply Valentines Days, and single ones too.

Amongst the coupled up ones there have been some stinkers and some lovely ones. Ones that almost broke up the relationship, and ones that were unexpectedly fabulous. For my shame, when I'm in a relationship, I'm definitely consumerist livestock.

Bleat...

However, I do manage to refrain from public displays of affection....if only to escape the judgemental gaze of passing singletons!

When I'm single I still retain enough fondness of the day to secretly hope I might get a card, and yet manage to keep the expectation at a low enough level so that when the day rolls around and I don't get a card....I don't try and cut my throat with a sharpened tablespoon. I do quite like to go out and do something though, avoiding the couples haunts, I quite like to go to the pub with some single friends.

I have a problem this year though, most of my mates are in relationships!

When did this happen?

Those who ARE single are busy already, avoiding the situation in their own ways.

So what am I to do?

Part of me was tempted to advertise myself on Facebook:

'Single person seeks Valentines companion for non-romantic company'

But this could be mis-translated as:

'Desperately lonely spinster seeks no strings attached sexytimes....SEX ME!!'

But you always have those people on Facebook who you'd really rather you'd not added who will blatantly be the first to respond!!

Then an email dropped into my inbox this afternoon, from Lush. I love Lush, I love it very much. And so it was decided. I'm gonna get a gift box from Lush, for ME!!

And I'll spend the day loving myself....

....that sounded wrong, but you know what I mean.

Mmmmmmm, bubbles!!

Make an Ickle Difference!

2010-01-29T21:44:00.004Z

Just a quick one here!

You might have noticed the little 'Bloggers Unite for Haiti' badge on the right there. I just thought I'd bring your attention to a social networking group that I found that seems to try and do some good, rather than your average Facebook, Myspace, Bebo etc, it's called BloggersUnite. As the creators say on the site, it's an attempt to harness the power of the Blogosphere in order to spread awareness of certain issues around the globe. On a specific day of the year, bloggers get together and post about an issue, raising awareness, and possibly money, for good causes.

As I've grown up I've turned from a completely selfish little bitch-child into something approaching what I'd like to eventually end up as. No where near there yet, they say you spend your whole life growing up, I've got a way to go! But I've found myself with this desire to try and do some good. Some would use the cliché 'Make a Difference', others would call it 'Pissing in the Ocean', and therein lies the difference between those two types of people.

A little example, my sister Nicki decided she'd raise some money at work for the Haiti Earthquake Appeal. There were some people there loathe to actually just donate money, I guess January is a tough time of year, who knows what the reasons were, but Nicki persisted, using guerilla tactics known as the 'raffle' and the 'bake sale'.

She encouraged everyone to bring in unwanted christmas gifts and to bake something at home to bring in and sell. Between donations, raffle and bake sale, they managed to raise £266, which increased to £344 when Gift Aid was added. That's between 17 people...a few of which didn't seem to want to donate at all.

I know some people who would pooh pooh that, what's the point after all? What difference will it make? It makes all the difference, she had the determination to get of her backside and do something about what she saw happening on the other side of the world. In the grand scheme of things it's a drop in the ocean, but what is the ocean but a shitload of drops?

Actually, something I don't say often enough is how great my little sister is, she has a whole lot of love and she's not afraid to use it either. Proud of you Nicki :o)

Blogging for Haiti is still occuring over on BloggersUnite, so if you haven't already then sign up and blog away.

If you wanted to join another one I've set up my own event, 10:10 - Cut Carbon Emissions - Everyone's at it. Hundreds of individuals, companies and organisations have signed up to a mammoth task...trying to reduce Britains carbon emissions by 10% in the year 2010. It sounds impossible, but lets see what we can do if we all work together. Join in :o)

Check out the website HERE, and check out my blog on 15th March x

Muffin Rage

2010-01-28T16:40:00.008Z

First up, welcome to my new follower Lauren! Yes…I still have few enough followers to notice and yes, I’m still grateful that new people find my ramblings interesting enough to warrant subscribing to! Just you wait till I’m Diva Queen of the blogging, sup up the appreciation now people, sup it up :D

So....I’ve managed to drag my diseased arse into work today. I did a google search and found that viral laryngitis isn’t infectious, so…although I resemble a toddler with chicken pox and sound like a horny toad….if I feel well enough I can go into work without the fear of infecting everybody.

Whilst sitting mournfully at my computer, lamenting the fact that I wasn’t having tea made for me every few minutes, an email popped up from the Wiluf, entitled ‘coffee break’.

This could only be good news, coffee break alone is good news.

Content:

‘Coconut cupcakes with messy icing anybody?’

Ah, my day just got sunnier…unlike the weather outside that window over yonder. Unfortunately, he sent this email about an hour prior to coffee break, so I was left pining, Wilf is sadistic in this manner. These cupcakes qualify Wilfy for the Sugardoll (so masculine) award I gave him a month or so ago, well done Wilf, he doesn’t normally dabble in sweet baking.

Now, I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned Gregs violent ire towards home-baked goods. We first noticed it in relation to Bruces muffins.

Every now and again Bruce bakes some muffins at the weekend and brings what remains into work on a Monday (or Tuesday if he’s being particularly forgetful). They’re usually blueberry, although we’ve been treated to double chocolate chip muffins and pecan muffins in the past.

As soon as Greg spies the Tupperware box or telltale foil, the eyes start to roll, the upper lip curls and he begins making curious grunting sounds, it reminds me rather of an amorous elephant seal…..especially when he starts thrashing from side to side in his apopleptic rage.

Poor old Bruce on his lonesome, unaccompanied by Tupperware or tinfoil does not normally illicit such a response, it could only be the muffins. Was it muffins specifically? Muffin-oriented rage? We soon found out when Bruce branched out one weekend and brought in a gorgeous carrot cake he’d made.

Same response, and the same response again when Wilfred brought something or another in. It seems it’s not limited to sweet goods either, savoury is just as bad in Greg’s book, if it’s homemade, it’s vile.

One day we decided to ask him what he has against homemade goods, why the fight or flight response? The answer he gave was oh so telling.

‘I don’t know what you filthy bastards have put in them, you could have put anything in there!! Did you wash your hands? I bet you put pubes in it!! I bet you put your bell-end in it!’

(That last remark was directed at Wilf…I’m not hiding anything from you dear readers)

Anyone who knows even a modicum of psychology will recognise this for what it is. I don’t know the official term for it, but basically, he knows exactly what he’d do if be made something for us, and he’s accusing us of returning the favour.

The result being that we’re bringing in more and more homemade stuff purely to annoy him, and that we will NEVER EVER eat anything that Greg has made…..ever, especially if it was made in THAT saucepan……..you know what I’m talking about Greg.

I’m not sure I understand the reasoning. He’s perfectly happy to chow down on all kinds of store bought goods, the making of which has been supervised by countless strangers…many of which are probably disenchanted with their jobs at the Heinz/Kipling/Birdseye factory and expressing it in….creative(?) ways. Yet he won’t touch treats lovingly crafted by hand from scratch by people who…for some reason…like him.

I hope he’s not eating anything being produced by Cadbury at the moment…totally against his ethos.

It’s his loss anywhoo as Wilfreds cupcakes were delicious! As I was nomming one, I found a surprise glace cherry lurking inside. Apparently the recipe had called for a glace cherry to be popped on top before the cupcakes went in the oven, but when Wilf pulled them out of the oven they had all sunk into the cakes. I think he should name them Coconut Cupcake Surprise!

There were quite a few…so I’m hoping for another helping this afternoon (I already had 2 this morning!!). I’ll be watching out for bell-end prints on my mug of tea though…..and people wonder why I drink my tea so scalding hot!

Raptured

2010-01-26T18:47:00.007Z

I WISH I had found out about this myself, but I must confess that I heard about this last Wednesday from the compere at GLEE17, I can't resist writing about it though!

An atheist group in the US has set up a scheme called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. For the meagre sum of $110, Christian pet owners can take out a policy to ensure that their pets will be adopted in the event that they (the owners) are raptured to heaven when Christ returns to earth. Extra pets cost $15 extra per animal.

Let me guess.......WTF??!! Allow me to explain.

Some Christian fundamentalists believe in the Rapture and in the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. The order of these happenings is contended somewhat, but here follows the basic sequence of events that are expected within the next few years, referred to as the 'end times'.

Christ will return to earth to the fanfare of heavenly trumpets and angelic chorus

True followers of Christianity will be 'raptured' to heaven and the Lord in order that they are protected from the proceeding events.

Tribulation will follow, God will pass judgement over all the unbelievers left on earth

Tribulation will culminate in the Battle Of Armageddon. Jesus Christ will return physically, leading heavenly armies which will then join all nations in attacking Israel.

Jesus and the Saints will then rule over the earth for 1000 years.

There's more, but I'll spare you.

You can see the niche that EEBP has exploited. I would assume that most fundamentalist Christians are firm in the belief that animals have no souls, and therefore their cherished pets will not be raptured with them to heaven, what will happen to them when they're gone?

Animal loving atheists are stepping in to help out. EEBP can assure its clientele that its operatives will be left behind on earth, they have all provided statements and documentation to the effect that they do not believe in a divine being and have blasphemed, thereby ensuring they will be denied entrance to heaven. Sorted!

I some states EEBP will even take in horses, camels, llamas and donkeys.

Well done these business-minded atheists....I wonder if anyone has set up the British branch yet?

Of course, some people will go to any lengths to try and fool Jesus

He'll never know........

Things You Take for Granted

2010-01-26T13:53:00.003Z

#1 Your VOICE!!

A couple of weeks ago I was struck down (so dramatic) with a nasty throat infection. Today I was back at the doctors with a new complaint, I've had coldy/flu symptoms for the last few days and now I've completely lost my voice and have a nasty rash to boot.

Yes, I've done the tumbler test, no blood poisoning...phew!

Sitting in bed this morning, contemplating how I would go about organising the docs, it struck me that I was in a bit of a pickle.

I couldn't call them myself as I can't speak, and my phone is out of charge, so I couldn't text my sister to get her to call the Doc's for me. Eventually I had a brainwave and remembered that I can send webtexts from the T-mobile website, but up until then it was going to be a case of just rocking up at mum and dads house and writing notes at them to call the docs for me.

Which brings me onto the doctors.

I prepared before I left and presented the doctor with a note reading:

'I had a throat infection 2 weeks ago, doc gave me penicillin, 2 tabs a day 4 x a day for 10 days, it cleared up.

Cold/Flu Symptoms since Thursday.

Now I haz lost my voice completely and weird rash on my arms, chest and legs.

Am I going to live? I'm too young to die'

Doc had a sense of humour which is good, I think many of them have it beaten out of them pretty early on, examining old womens bunions all day etc.

She asked to see the rash on my legs, and in my sexy/infectious husky tones I warned her that I hadn't shaved in months and apologised in advance. I'm SINGLE man! I'll stay single if I don't start shaving more often too!! :D

Viral laryngitis FTW, the rash is associated with the virus...nom nom nom. I've never felt sexier..all virussed up!

Complete voice rest, the family love it. Especially when I forget and try to say something every now and again, it sounds like someone's trying to start up a rusty old chainsaw in the corner of the room.

So, today it's mostly Civ and Pirates of the Caribbean Marathon....*sigh*, tis a tough life to be sure.

Violet on the Hell Bus

2010-01-24T11:45:00.006Z

I know I've mentioned the following blog before, but whether I've talked about it explicitly I have no idea, it definitely deserves a mention here though!!

As I've been sitting at home all weekend on my deathbed (yes...I know most people lie on their deathbeds, but I'm hardcore) I've been using the time to (belatedly) start going through some plans for my trip. One blog I keep finding myself referring back to again and again is 'Madness and Beauty', an absolutely fantastic travelblog by Violet Dear, a Vancouverite who has really only just come back from epic travels around Asia and the Pacific.

One of the things I've been humming and hawwing about is whether to travel from Laos to Hanoi by bus or by plane. A plane journey will cost between £110 and £170 which is a LOT of money in backpackers speak, that's £140 I could be spending on Lao Beer or Kampot crab. So I went back to a post I remembered seeing on Violets blog about the 'Hell Bus' she took from Pakse in Laos to Hue in Vietnam.

Her choice of name for the bus ride says it all really. If you have time then please read the post, it's long, but it's so worth it. At the very least scroll through to the picture of the little goat tethered precariously to the top of the bus...I can't wait to visit this country. If you don't have time to read the whole thing, it basically involves:

A Violet Dear with PMT
The booking of a relatively comfortable VIP bus which then turns out to be a local tin-can bus loaded to the rafters with bags of rice, clay pots and Red Bull, plus goat.
A 15 hour journey next to a lady with a bag of rotten snakes
The popping of unprescribed valium in order to deal with the shambles...useful to know you can get your hands on that!
Eventual dropping off in a random location in Vietnam....SOMEWHERE close to Hue...apparently.

It's awful, but I grinned all the way through the post, particularly at Violets description of her rant down the phone at the agent who sold them the tickets for the VIP tin can. I'm just glad that I can learn from experiences like these from the warmth and comfort of my own sofa. After a couple of exchanges back and forth...I think I'll take the plane, her memories of the journey haven't mellowed with time and taken on a comedic rose-tinted hue...nope.

'TAKE A PLANE!' are her precise words...who am I to argue!!??

Seriously, check out this blog, first and foremost she is an incredible writer and photographer, and she's bloody funny.

Secondly, it's a fantastic source of information for anyone planning to travel SE Asia, India, Oz, Fiji etc. Her posts are great and she also has lot's of links to genuinely useful travel sites.

I think my head is about to pop off so I'm off to consult google on where I should drill a hole in my skull to relieve the pressure.

Weekends In

2010-01-23T22:34:00.002Z

Well, I've had to cancel all my plans this weekend because of a throat infection that's threatening to take over!!

What was going to be a hard weekends partying has turned into something of a sofa/food fest. I don't want to think about the sheer quantity of bread I've consumed today.

Last night I was almost convinced that the throat infection had made a comeback. I'd felt dodgy at work, but was going out with Oggers to a play that her mate was in, so I figured, couple of pints of medicinal Guinness (don't laugh) won't do any harm.

By the end of the evening my throat was on fire and all I wanted to do was sleep, this was 10pm.

By the by, the theatre was very good. I didn't know what to think given that it was fringe theatre, and youth fringe theatre at that. The actors were all much better than I expected, although I'm not sure what I expected, and Rachel was excellent in her roles, especially Esme the goth.

Anywhoo, I wrapped myself up last night, took 3 paracetamol (gasp) and dove into bed. When I woke up this morning I was incredibly grateful to find that my glands hadn't swollen up to give me something of the grumpy hamster look. Still, I'm playing it smart and not leaving the house unless I have to hunt (shop) for food.

Despite my self-imposed house arrest, I don't feel like a slovenly moo who's done nothing but eat all day. I had to finish cleaning my room for a viewing earlier today. I took some pics that I have to work into a post of some sort for you, it'll be the only time anyone ever sees it that tidy!! I have to show the world the proof! I've also done a little mindmap of SE Asia finances for my trip.

AND!!! I've finally completed Day 4 of the Barcelona Diaries over on Fly Away With Me. What a treat!

I know this post hasn't been much of a treat, but forgive me, I'm ill and brain haz a not working properly.

Walk Walk, Fashion Baby

2010-01-21T11:19:00.013Z

I was a-browsing through the BBC news website yesterday and a little headline caught my eye:

Walliams engaged to Dutch model

Being a fan of Little Britain, and the strangely sexy (yes!! That's what I think) David Walliams, I clickerised the linky to read the story. It was a very short piece, basically just a press release, but it led me to search for some images of the lady who would steal one of my future potential husbands (I have quite a list).

Normally I'm not a celebrity gossip junkie at all, though you can at times find me flicking through my sisters old Heat magazines for the Circle of Shame item...it's so reassuring to know that celebs suffer the same wardrobe/body malfunctions as I do...bless them.

The same goes for fashion. Anyone who has followed this blog for a while will be fully and painfully aware that I am not a follower of fashion, I barely know what the word means. My sister is much more up on it than I am, but even she follows it in her own way, not becoming a victim, but picking and choosing so that she always looks trendy/elegant.

Cow.

Of models I know none, except the obvious, Lilly Cole, Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, the lovely Kate Moss who has given Croydon such a wonderful name (yes...all Kate Moss's fault, not the Home Offices at all). I know not much of them, and know and care even less for fashion, but I tell you what....if I did, THIS is the stuff I'd be advocating! Check out David Walliams fiancé Lara Stone, I believe all of these were shoots for French Vogue barring one for Louis Vuitton:

I find myself simultaneously attracted and repulsed by these images, like my psyche is saying 'I LIKE them!! But I shouldn't'. They're like a challenge, can you appreciate something for the artistic content regardless of the fact that the literal content is something you'd likely not approve of in reality? Violence, violent sex...even murder?

This next set of images really caused an uproar in some quarters:

I don't believe that French Vogue ever apologised or explained why they decided to have Lara 'blacked up' rather than using a black model, but there must be some reasoning behind it. Some people seem to think that Vogue were trying to fool readers into thinking she was actually black, but given their reputation for intentionally provoking controversy and outrage, I very much doubt it.

My personal opinion is that images like these are designed to do the very thing they achieve, open up arguments and get people talking about these sensitive issues. There are doubtless other artistic messages behind them, but I believe that one of the points of art is that everyone interprets it in their own individual way.

I almost left the next one out because it made me quite uneasy...then I realised that's what I'm talking about, so how stupid would that have been?

It just goes to show that everyone reads what they like into things. I think this looks like a woman who has just been attacked and left for dead, I don't like it very much I must say. Yet, when I search the web for information about it, nothing except excitement/upset that Lara has replaced Madonna as the face of Louis Vuitton. Ho Hum.

This next one is my absolute favourite:

French Vogue again, Lara did a shoot dressed as a rather overtly sexy nun. I can imagine which subsection of society was outraged at this one, especially given that an estimated 83-90% of the French population are Catholic. The item was entitled 'La Tentation du Diamant', The Temptation of Diamonds, and is depicting the struggle of a nun trying to choose between a life of spirituality and the temptation of wealth and the flesh.

This is what art/fashion/fashion/art should be about. Making us challenge ourselves and our views of the world, stirring up controversy and making people talk about things, putting issues out there.

I think I actually quite like Lara Stone, and might even try and pick up a French Vogue every now and again.

I bet David spends hours leafing through her portfolio.

I Haz Projekt Qualifikatiunz

2010-01-19T21:46:00.004Z

Huzzah!!

Finally the news I've been waiting for...I passed my project management Practitioners Exam.

The news didn't come in quite the way I expected, I've been waiting for a (fat/thin/brown/white/large/small?) ominous looking envelope to fall through the letterbox, or to be staring across the room at me in a malevolent manner as I walked through the front door of an evening.

It came today, unexpected, without the fanfare of one hundred trumpets, not even a toot from a battered old pennywhistle, in the form of an email.

I didn't even have the chance to sit and procrastinate over whether or not to open it, pick my nose in wild anticipation (oh yes...I'm wild), the little '(P)' in the subject title told me all I needed to know.

....I'd like to note that this is assumption, I don't really know what '(P)' means, what I DO know is that, given my immediate conclusion, I'd have been REALLY pissed off if I'd opened the email to find I'd failed!....

That's all by the by, apparently Firebrand were delighted to inform me that I had passed my Prince 2 Practitioners exam, well done me and good luck in all my future projects. I'd stopped reading by this point, as the feeling of relief swept over me. Thank heavens I wouldn't have to go through that again!

Not too much later in the day, I noted that someone from Maginus Solutions had been checking out my blog, this name a-rang a bell and I realised it was the lovely Julian from my course. Obviously everyone had been sent the email at the same time, and so I set about contacting him, to which he responded that he'd gotten so worried about whether he'd passed that he'd been scouring my blog for news of whether I'd recieved my results or not.

It's a relief to know I wasn't the only one starting to get slightly tetchy.

It's also a relief to know that I wasn't a big fat fraud standing up in front of the Team Leaders to give a presentation on Prince2 methodology.

I Haz a Kredibility

I'll be back soon with something more amusing when I get a life and do something fun :D

It's a Plague!!

2010-01-17T17:22:00.012Z

Regular readers may recall that in my post-award euphoria a week or so ago, I promised to do some baking, in order that I feel worthy of the aforementioned award.

Ms Humble is a cookery blogger, and does these awesome science-themed cookies, so I thought I'd follow that theme. I run student practicals every year in which we play with locusts...so for me, locusts sprang immediately to mind....after the shennanigans of today I really do wish they hadn't.

But I promised them, and here they are!

It's a plague!! A PLAGUE I tell thee!

Well, does six constitute a plague? It does when they're in your kitchen, I guess it depends on how much you like locusts.

Let me give you a little blow by blow account, and the recipe incase anyone should desire it.

Ok, so, first you make the dough (no pictures of this exciting bit I'm afraid). This is actually a weight watchers recipe, though I fail to see how considering how much butter and sugar goes in. In fact, they seem to have taken just about the lowest fat ingredient barring flour (eggs) and replaced them with semolina.

Well done weight watchers.

Here's the recipe:

225 g butter
125 g caster sugar
275 g flour, plain
50 g dried semolina, or ground rice
50 g icing sugar

Preheat the oven to Gas Mark 4/180°C/fan oven 160°C/350°F.

Beat the butter until softened and gradually beat in the caster sugar. Add the flour and semolina, working it in with a wooden spoon. Gather the dough together with your hands, then knead for a few moments until smooth.

Roll out the dough thinly on a lightly floured surface.

Cut out shapes

Arrange on baking sheets.

Bake for 8-10 minutes, or until light golden brown. Cool on wire racks.

Mix the icing sugar with a little water to make a smooth glace icing, then use this to decorate the biscuits.

Now, the 'Cut out shapes' instruction is deceptively simple!! Normally one would use a cutter of some description...but funnily enough, try as I might, I couldn't find a locust-shaped cookie cutter. So I made my own template by tracing a picture off of google images!

When it comes to icing, I knew I needed more than the recipe says, so I used 250g of icing sugar and about 50ml of water, give or take (ish...please don't follow that to the letter, Ms Humble has a good guide on her blog). Then I split it and made some brown (by mixing equal amounts of red, yellow and green food colouring) and yellow icing.

So....after locusts had baked, I let them cool on wire racks, before I set about icing the outlines in brown. It took me a while to get into the flow, and I'm SURE that the icing was gloopier(scientific term) than it should have been, but hey! You can see what they're supposed to be right?

RIGHT!!!?

Then, once that icing had hardened (or not, I'm impatient and wanted a sit-down), I started filling in with yellow.

My back soon started screeching at me, and so I opted to finish at 6.

So here you have them....my plague of 6. It's the first baking I've done in years, and I quite enjoyed it.

Now, please excuse me whilst I go and wash off these crusty bits of dough I keep finding all over my face!

Numbers Don't say Enough

2010-01-16T11:27:00.004Z

7.0

Magnitude

50,000

Bodies collected

100,000 - 200,000

Suspected dead

2 million

Children affected

They're striking statistics, but they don't tell you anything about the shock and fear as the earthquake struck Port au Prince on Tuesday 12th January. They don't describe the ongoing situation with more bodies being turned up every day, people sleeping on the streets or in tents. People too afraid to leave incase their loved ones turn up.

3-4

Weeks until the wet season begins

Amongst the rest, this might seem like an unimportant fact. As soon as the wet season begins, the diseases endemic to the area, which have already been exacerbated by this disaster, have the capacity to spread out of control. Survivors, particularly the children, will have to run the gauntlet of malaria, hepatitis A and E, pneumonia, typhoid fever, japanese encephalitis..the list goes on. Bodies are being piled into mass graves or onto bonfires partly to try and cushion the almost unavoidable impact these diseases will have, particularly towards the epicentre which is proving hard to reach.

$360million

Aid pledged so far

3000

UN Troops and police

9000-10,000

US Troops

100

Tonnes of relief supplies

13

Lorry loads of bottled water from the Dominican Republic

15

UN food distribution points

26

International rescue teams

But these numbers don't reflect the logistical nightmare that the aid effort is facing in Haiti. Haiti is the 4th poorest nation in the world, and as such, 80% or the population of Port-au-Prince lives in poorly constructed shanty towns. Even in the city, none of the buildings were constructed to withstand an earthquake...as is illustrated by the destruction of the Presidential palace, and the UN Headquarters.

Roads are blocked, the port is badly damaged, and the airport is struggling to cope with the influx of international traffic, some aircraft filled with aid staff and supplies have already been turned away.

Getting aid to the country is a relatively easy job, but distributing it to the people who actually need it, despite every effort being made, is happening more slowly than we would like.

4000

Prisoners unaccounted for

50

Arrests made

5000

US troops earmarked for saving lives that might have to be seconded for security

As if death, injury, disease and malnutrition weren't enough, the survivors of the disaster are now suffering at the hands of armed gangs who are trying to loot those houses that remain standing, stealing money and property.

So those are just some of the numbers, that's the situation somewhat condensed down into little digestible factoids, but all you have to do is read the papers, surf the internet or watch the television to realise that this doesn't go even part way towards describing what those people are going through, and what their families here and across the world must be feeling.

One final number:

70077

Text 'GIVE' to this number to donate £5 to the Haiti Earthquake appeal.

£5 plus normal SMS charge will be added to your bill

Thanks, and my heart goes out to everyone affected and involved.

Information care of BBC News

British Red Cross

Medecins Sans Frontieres

Crunchy or Smooth?

2010-01-15T18:37:00.003Z

I've had two suggestions for what to put in the humane mousetrap.

Peanut butter and Nutella.

I can understand both, I think peanut butter has that irresistable aroma, and also, it might be stinky enough to cover up the unmistakable scent of HUMAN on the trap.

And Nutella, well, if Grant fills the trap with Nutella I think I'll have a hard time keeping away from it, let alone Mr Mouse. If Grant gets Nutella it gives me an excuse to sit with a spoon and consume the rest of the jar..

'Yes Grant, I've had a REALLY bad day today, I need this nutella, I need it'

Or

'I'm on my period!! You'd BETTER leave me alone!!.......right........now......'

Even better :)

I told Grant I'd pick up some neenut butter on the way home, but when I got to the Co-Op they only had Sunpat and it cost like £2.80-something for a jar.

I'm buggered if I'm spending more than £2 on a jar of peanut butter for a mouse that we haven't seen in over a week!

Besides, I don't know if he prefers crunchy or smooth.

Ralph

2010-01-14T19:23:00.005Z

Have I mentioned that we have a mouse?

Well....I think we still do, no one has seen him for roughly a week now, which, you may be surprised to hear....doesn't please my landlord Grant at all.

The reason it doesn't please him is because this suggests that Ralph (that's his name) has a hole that he's getting in and out of. We had been trying to convince ourselves that he'd just snuck in one day when we left the front door open a bit too long.

Ralph made his first appearance on the first REALLY cold night we had, when it started to snow. I looked up when I saw something move around in the kitchen out of the corner of my eye, and there he was, sniffing around the compost bin. He is quite cute actually, as mice go, VERY tiny!

Grant and I discussed whether we should leave a saucer of milk and some biscuits out for him, we decided against it on the basis that mice are PESTS!! and that we're clearly both idiots.

Being humane, we decided that a humane trap was the way to go, with my housemate Katrin protesting that only the killing ones will do, they're too clever for the humane ones....but you have to try....right?

We weren't, however, adverse to bringing one of the neighbouring whiskered killing machines round to have a sniff. After all, that's just nature right? And we'd convinced ourselves that we'd just rescue poor Ralph after he'd been 'stunned' by the kitty.

Stunned, yes, that's correct. Then we'd put him in a warm little bed, tuck him up, and feed him warm milk from a marigold glove with a hole in the end till he was nice and fat, and then let him frolick off in the snow.......

.......where he'd go and tell all his mates how stupid we are and return with an army of comrades to take over the house with their massive mouse brains.

Needless to say...the humane trap hasn't worked, and we've seen him again since it was put there. Grant put chocolate in the trap (we've been reliably informed this works best), and it STILL didn't work!!! Even Grant's little chocolate trail leading to the gaping maw of the plastic house that smells like human....didn't work. Maybe it's because he's called Ralph....not Hansel.

I HAVE tried the kitty approach. There's no point bringing Dizzy from next door in. If you remember Mornington from an earlier post, well, Mornington is a slender supermodel compared to fat Dizzy. Dizzy is also old and lazy! Plus, she's far too talkative, Ralph would hear her coming a mile off, as if the monstrous thudding wasn't giveaway enough.

FELIX is the one we need, young, lithe, a hunter, a mouse killing machine, well oiled, sexeh!! Apparently only in the cartoons, Felix promptly curled up under the radiator.

Killing machine my ARSE! Useless animals! Mornington or Lucy would have 'ad Mr. R. Mouse in seconds!

So.....we're conscious that Ralph should be apprehended before he decides to move in with his army/family.....so an inhumane killing machine may be in order :(

If it works, we'll hold a small rodent funeral in the garden, it won't be the first time in my life, but that's a story for another day.

Please....please do feel free to post your thoughts and best wishes regarding Mr Mouse, I shall read them out at his burial. You could also post any foolproof humane mouse-trapping techniques if you'd like to avoid the funeral scenario altogether, I have some quiet weekends coming up now I'm zooless...I'll need something to keep me busy.

Just don't ask me to dress up as a lady-mouse, I know it's been a while, but I'm not that desperate yet!

Img Cred

When Will it be Over!!??

2010-01-14T19:04:00.004Z

Can't read my, can't read my......yoo can't read my poooker face!!!

*poke*

Argh, I think I've gone a little bit mental over the past few days, it all started with that 'orrible presentation and it's gone downhill from there, it hasn't stopped!

Plus I've been carrying that silly Prince2 textbook everywhere with me incase someone tries to 'consult' me......oh to be qualified AND experienced!

It would be REALLY lovely to know if I am in fact qualified. Twice this week I've walked in and spied an ominous-looking envelope on the table, but nay. One yesterday appeared to be from my ISA provider, telling me that someone was taking over the company and that as a shareholder I have the right to my say, and to attend the meeting. The meeting that's taking place in about 4 days time, at 12:10pm.

If they REALLY wanted you to attend this meeting, they'd make it 3pm on a Saturday. I think for fun....ALL the shareholders should turn up....no doubt to a meeting room that can hold roughly 11.5 people.

Bastards.

Here's looking forward to Friday and a chilled weekend!

Chagos

2010-01-13T09:00:00.002Z

Never post in haste people!! This is what happens when people don't do their homework.

I've had quite a few responses to my post yesterday regarding the campaign to turn Chagos into a no-take marine reserve, I'd like to copy one out in full below:

"In answer to your question about whether or not to be ashamed about British colonialism, I'm afraid that it really is no laughing matter. The Chagos archipelago used to be home to over 1,000 indigenous people - the Chagossians - until they were illegally (and inhumanely) expelled from the islands in the 1960s and 1970s. They have been campaigning for the right to return ever since.

The Chagossians are committed to the conservation of the Chagos environment but, if a limited resettlement has any hope of succeeding, then the complete no-take fishing ban (which protectchagos.org calls for) would be disastrous to their cause.

Leading conservationists like Dr David Bellamy have made it clear that environmental protection *can* go hand-in-hand with the Chagossians' right of resettlement. All that's required is the political will. So it's really, REALLY important that their cause is not forgotten - by politicians or the general public.

I'm not saying that the plan to protect Chagos is a bad thing; just that it should not come at the cost of harming the Chagossians.

If you wish to respond to the FCO's consultation, you can do so via the details posted on the UK Chagos Support Association blog. I'd really encourage you to remember the Chagossians when you do so.

Peter"

And from 'ThatIsTheWhy':

"Wow. This is awful - how to make the correct choice and what cause to support? Since sparing a mere thought for the Chagossians may not be enough for appropriate action to be taken for them. But on the other hand it is so important that we protect our rare, unspoilt lands as there are not many left!"

Which says it all for me really

The history of British colonialism...or any colonialism in fact, has always triggered an unease within me. This just goes to show how little awareness there is of this situation, yet more indigenous people thrown out of their countries...within our lifetimes, and this is the first I've heard of it, I don't know about anyone else.

In light of the responses I've recieved I'd like to post up the following:

The FCO Consultation Document on whether to establish a marine protected area in the British Indian Ocean Territory.

This is the full document if you'd like to browse through it, but the crux is this. If you would like to make your opinions on this issue heard, send an email to the FCO at this address:

biotmpaconsultation@fco.gov.uk

And as Peter says, if and when you do, please bear in mind the Chagossians

UK Chagos Support Blog

Thanks everyone for your interest and for stopping by :)

The Largest Coral Atoll in the world is British

2010-01-12T17:22:00.007Z

No sillies, don't go looking for it on the coastline anywhere around Bognor, you'll be well and truely disappointed!!

Way out in the Indian Ocean there's a UK territory (not sure whether to be proud or ashamed that there's still some good ole British empiricism kicking about) called Chagos, and ZSL (who most of you will know I was volunteer with until very recently) is central to the current campaign to turn it into a protected marine reserve.

Chagos is one of the worlds most pristine coral reefs, and with global warming these are becoming few and far between. The discussion about the effect of global warming on coral reefs worldwide is a major part of the fight to lower carbon emissions. The marine reserve would encompass 544,000 sq km, an area larger than the great barrier reef.

The problem is that we have only until 12th February (the end of the official consultation period) to convince the UK Government that Chagos should become a protected no-take marine reserve. Not many people have heard of Chagos, or the campaign, so there's the risk that the application will be rejected due to simple lack of response.

So ladies and gents, if you can spare the time, please do me a favour and visit www.protectchagos.org and support the campaign, ZSL need all the help they can get!!

If you'd like more info on the devastating effect that global warming and coral harvesting (for commercial purposes) are having on the reefs then all you really have to do is google it! But here are a couple of useful links :)

Open Democracy - Climate Change Debate

The Guardian - How Global Warming Sealed the Fate of the Worlds Coral Reefs

That Is The Why

2010-01-11T18:41:00.003Z

No...I haven't come up with an unusually creative blog post title for once......when I started my blog it was all a bit accidental, I was trying to follow my friend and wound up signing up for my own. The though process was absent (not unusual in itself) and I found myself typing the only thing on my mind at the time.

Well done me and my vast, all encompassing intellect.

But enough about me! What I am in fact referring to, is the blog title of a brand new blogger, Donna Jamie Pang. I know Jamie from school and when I read in her status she had started blogging I was straight in there having a nose around.

Starting up a new blog and staring into that spacious vacuum is all a little bit daunting and I think encouragement is required! Though she doesn't seem to need any.

Judging by the first post this blog is going to be a very well written barrell of laughs, please visit ladies and gents, and enjoy :)

.....and Breathe

2010-01-11T12:09:00.002Z

Boy am I glad that's over and done with!

I got there a few minutes early so that Bruce and I could set up the computer and make sure everything was going to work ok, sure enough it worked fine....DAMN!!

Then people started to arrive, one, two, three......fifteen...sixteen?

Ergh

I was introduced and got up to start my speil, I was a bit shakey and nervous, but then the nerves REALLY hit about 30 seconds in.

There was a little bit of stuttering and 'Ummmmmmm'ing as I stared at the ceiling watching an internal movie that showed me breaking and bolting for the door. I could feel myself shaking, it was horrible.

But then I forced myself to settle down and concentrate, and once I was in my flow it seemed to go ok.

I'm not sure that I got across all the points that Laura really wanted me to get across in quite the way I was supposed to, but for my first attempt at an actual presentation of anything since my dissertation in 2005 I think I did ok.

I've already been asked to check over the plans for an upcoming project etc etc...I think I'd better get cramming that Prince2 textbook again. It'll be good to get my teeth into something though, this is definitely knowledge that needs to be used, or you'll lose it quicksmart!

*Massive sigh of relief*

Now....onto all those millions of other jobs that have been piling up that I haven't been able to think about!

THE FEAR!!

2010-01-10T22:29:00.003Z

No, it's not spiders (though I don't like those either), it's not snakes, it's not ghosts or heights or.....buttons.

It's back, the fear of public speaking.

I have a presentation to give tomorrow. Though I must admit, I'm not (at this point) as worried as I was last time. However...there's every chance that at 10:30am tomorrow I will be kacking in my knickers, wondering why I didn't call in sick.

The presentation is on Prince2 project management, the course that I bored you all to death with for a week about a month ago, ten minutes. I think I'm about as prepared as I'm going to be. I've practiced twice on Jo, who said that it had improved markedly between the first and second inflictions, and once on Grant, who said it all made sense and then faffed around with one of my powerpoint slides before screaming 'Close it, close it!! Don't save it!!'

My darling sister Nicki produced the powerpoint for me, and very nicely she did too. It would have been functional, but horrendous had I done it myself.

*Mental note to attend powerpoint course*

So, I have my powerpoint, my notes, and my mindmap:

Good old trusty mindmap, when I find myself floundering, it'll be there for me.

Wish me luck ladies and gents, I may need it!

Updates to come :)

Humbled

2010-01-09T10:43:00.010Z

A wee pre-amble....I just caught sight of the time on the bottom corner of my window and saw it was 10:45am. I almost leapt up and ran into the kitchen. This is tea time at work, it took me a couple of seconds to realise that I am in fact at home on the sofa, and I already have the biggest cup of tea in the world staring me in the face.

Just give me a moment whilst I put my world back to rights.

In my defence I'm quite ill, the cute Doctor yesterday has put me on 2 x tablets, 4 x a day, for ten days. I'm not sure quite how infected he thinks I am...but I'm sure there's an insult in there somewhere.

So if this is a bit haphazard, blame the burning fever!

Back to the point of the blog....how dare you distract me.

I'm a little bit excited because I've been given my first Blog Award by fellow blogger Ms Humble over at Not So Humble Pie. Please do feast your eyes upon the Fabulous Sugar Doll Blog Award:

*Tiny scream*

I wonder if Ms Humble is regretting this yet? Haw haw.

Ok, so, before I pass this award onto more excellent bloggers, I have to share ten things about myself, for your information and amusement:

1) Despite being one of the most gabby so-and-so's you ever would meet, I have an intense fear of public speaking. In fact, at this very moment I should be perfecting a presentation I have to give on Monday morning......ho hum

2) I once got a guinea pig stuck in a slinky, head sticking out one end, bum out of the other. My dad had to cut it off with wire cutters.

3) In 2005 I spent a month on a Vervet Monkey Sanctuary in South Africa, I was mummy to 11 baby orphans.

4) On 4th April this year I shall be jetting off to Bangkok to start a 3 month adventure around South East Asia, finishing up with a week in Sydney, Oz.

5) I'm a volunteererererer. I volunteered at London Zoo for 4 years and I'm still a member of St John Ambulance. I suspect it's an underlying uniform fetish.

6) I feel a strong sense of responsibility to start cooking more now that I've recieved this little award. I shall bake some locust cookies sometime over the next few weeks and post the disasterous results, purely for your entertainment. (They'll look like locusts, I hope....if they end up tasting like locusts I'll accept no direct responsibility).

7) My bessie mate is a stand-up comedian on the open-mike circuit. This means I get to go and watch a lot of comedy, whilst drinking a lot of lager. This plays havoc with my intention of losing weight before I go travelling....especially when we call Dominos upon arriving back home...

8) I work at a university and every morning I have a cup of Earl Grey from the student Café across the way from my office. I get VERY twitchy if I don't get my Earl Grey.

9) Once upon a time, for a little while, I was an Ann Summers party lady. Those of you who don't know what that is.....don't judge me when you google it. Ladies only, ladies only!

10) I've lived in 4 different places over the past 3ish years, every time I move I tell myself I'll chuck out a load of stuff for the next round.....I never do. I think my dad is ready to throw all my university textbooks out of the window, he has the pleasure of helping me every time I move.

Now to pass on the award. Everyone that I have chosen deserve the label 'fabulous' for one reason or another, and I know they can cook...hence.....

Seeing as this is a food (SUGAR!) related award, to keep the spirit of the Sugar Doll Blog Award alive, I challenge each of you to bake something yummy sometime over the next few weeks if/when you have time, and post the results :) If you don't have the time....just buy something from Marks and Spencers and eat it! We need to keep our strength up in this cold weather.

Violet Dear @ http://www.madnessandbeauty.com/

Wiluf @ http://laphotishere.blogspot.com/

Maureen @ http://www.ratherbeblogging.com/

Michelle @ http://ohmishka.blogspot.com/

Oggers @ http://joblogden.blogspot.com/

Wendy @ http://wendysees.blogspot.com/

accidentally, Kle @ http://accidentallykle.blogspot.com/

Natalie @ http://www.chickenblog.com/

Erm......Jo and Wilf, I'll be wanting to try your creations...and don't think you'll get away not trying my locusts :D

Muahahahahahahaha!!

If Looks Could Kill.....

2010-01-07T19:29:00.010Z

......then this one is designed to kill slowly and painfully.

This is Vicky's cat Lillie, this is her angry face, she has two faces, angry and happy. Unfortunately, when she's happy she moves around too fast and I can't get a decent picture. So below is the closest I got to it:

She always looks like she's got a bit of a grump on, but you can see a definite difference right? That's the difference between 'I'm hungry' and 'Mmmm, full belleh'. When she's happy she chirrups at you when you call her name, it's exceptionally cute! Although you can't really tell in these pictures, she is a tiny little diminuitive kittie.

This next one here is Vicky's pride and joy, Mister Neelix.

Such a poser! Neelix is possibly one of the most malleable cats in the world, you can get away with squishing him into any weird position you like. Try doing that with the little monster giving you stinkeye (thanks #167 Dad) in the first picture.....do you WANT to lose an eyeball? Cos you will!

Mister Neelix once went missing for 17 days during Autumn/Winter. Being a purebreed he has severe food allergies, and going missing for 17 days is bad enough without having that issue on top. I think most people had given up by the time Vicky put an ad in the Croydon Advertiser....but lo and behold it worked, and someone called her up a few days later. He's a miracle puss.

Mister Neelix hovering for warmth over the radiator.

You may have noticed the gorgeous curly coats this pair have. Part of the reason Vicky got these guys is because they don't shed, and the person she was living with had bad cat allergies.

Mister Neelix is a Cornish Rex, and Lillie is a Devon Rex. Cats normally have 2 types of fur, the undercoat which is to keep them warm and is all downy and soft, and the upper coat which is more waterproof and more tough and wiry.

Mister, the Cornish Rex, has only the undercoat, which means that his fur is gorgeously soft and downy, Lillie has only the upper coat and so her fur is quite rough. The curly coat is characteristic of both their breeds.

They're quite closely related to Siamese cats, hence the big bat ears and slanty eyes. Steve (who lived with Vicky before I moved in), said that Mister Neelix was the devil who had been sent to kill him. I can't say I blamed him after he told me this gem of a story:

( I'm on MSN with him right this second and asked him to reiterate the story so I have it in his own words. His response was 'VICIOUS EVIL BASTARD!!!!!!!')

"Right so i'm there in bed having nice dreams that didnt involve cats.

I subconciously hear a click and open my tired little eyes, I notice my bedroom door is slightly ajar and raise my head.

The door swings open to reveal a terrifying beast.

Neelix is stood there on his hind legs with his front paws held aloft in a deadly looking ninja stance, CRAZED LOOK IN HIS EYES!

IRISES BLAZING RED LIKE A DEMON CAT FROM THE VERY PITS OF HELL.

SAMURAI SWORD IN HIS HAND.

Luckily I am trained in multiple unarmed combat techniques and I dove across the floor commando stylee.

Before he had the chance to pounce I slammed the door in his little mush and latched it behind me.

He clawed the door but luckily it was made with high grade ply wood, he issued a mournful cry and walked back to his lair.

I lived to fight another day."

Ok, ok, so, maybe I shouldn't ask men to tell stories, I think that part of that may have been slightly embellished, in order to make The Steve look like Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme....or someone cooler......Spiderman?

A quick story of my own...I once left a pair of shoes at Vicky's house after a night out, a nice pair of diamante/black satin latin dance shoes (although they were already shagged out by that point). When I next saw Vicky, she gave them to me in a plastic bag with an apologetic look on her face.

" I found one of them in the cat litter box when I cleaned it out"

Mister Neelix clearly has excellent taste in latin dance shoes and had decided to drag one into the litter box to keep him company whilst he went about his business. Much like one year Vicky heard some strange noises coming from the other room, and found Neelix trying to pull a christmas ham through the cat flap. Who knows where that came from? He's also a bin raider.....allergies? What allergies? I don't care if all my hair falls out!

Ahhhh, cats, you gotta love them....especially these two!

My Lovely View at Work

2010-01-07T19:19:00.004Z

*snort*

It must be someone from the Slade School of Art...look at the detail

Sproglets Festive Season - Summed Up!

2010-01-06T18:16:00.014Z

Let it never be said that I am original and unpredictable!

Yes, after a day of rolling my eyes at the gasps of 'snow!' on Facebook, and the endless parade of pictures scrolling across the BBC news website...I have posted my own snow pictures.

Let's face it, we love snow in Britain, only, we love a reason to complain even more. Even in the summer, when the sun finally comes out, we love it for all of 5 minutes before we're all complaining how warm it is. Let's get used to it people, with the way global warming is going, we'll either be baked or frozen to death.

Either that or languishing somewhere under 50 metres of water, with nary the time to evolve gills....darn.

So, back at work after the Christmas holiday. I don't think I've ever had a holiday that seemed to go so fast! Here are some little snapshot of Sprogs Season:

The Sproglet family tend to go a bit nutso with presents at Christmas, and this year we toned it down!! Here is the family beaming with excitement at all the lovely gifts they recieved....and some tat too.

Daddy Sproglet

Mini Sprogs

Mummy Sproglet

Nicki will be exceptionally happy that I chose this little gem

How many hats can one person wear??

These pictures typify a Sproglet family Christmas meal. And look how we dress up all speshil.

Ok, ok, I confess, these pictures were actually taken last Sunday. It was decided that we 'needed' another Christmas meal in order to use up the excess Christmas crackers (some of which I believe may have been sitting around for roughly 3 years) and...ahem....Bucks Fizz.

Basically we needed an excuse to sit around, eat ourselves stupid, get a bit drunk and make lots of racket whilst wearing silly paper hats.

Bucks Fizz is a staple at Sproglet Christmas. Even mum has some (albeit roughly 2cm at the bottom of the glass topped up with lemonade), mother NEVER drinks.....so we all know who to blame MY drinking habits on don't we now....daddy Sproglet!!

So, Christmas over and done with, there were a few days grace. My last day at the zoo, complete with a compliment of 8 volunteers, including my good self. 4 of us hardcore vols went out for some drinkies afterwards, thankfully no pictures were taken!

It was soon time for Vicky's birthday. I went round to hers and took some pictures of her two kitties, Mister Neelix and Lillie. No pictures appear here because those little diamonds deserve a blog post to themselves once I get around to it.

We went out to Annas Thai Restaurant. Vicky and I make sure that we visit at least twice a year. For so many reasons it's one of my favourite places to eat EVER! I mean, even if there were nothing else excellent about the place, check this little beastie out:

The chef hand-carves little birdies out of carrots, and little roses out of carrots and radishes.

This you see here is a sharer starter platter, you have chicken satay, fishcakes, prawn sesame toast, spring rolls, some kind of deep fried fish, and a meaty thing (get me with the Thai lingo). It's delicious beyond words.

For mains I had fish (I believe it was salmon, though they didn't specify) fried in seasoned flour and topped with thai green curry sauce....and a carroty bird. It was delicious.

The food is amazing, but I'm also always amazed by the service in the place. I think I've only seen it packed out once, it always seems to be quite quiet, so this may explain it partially. This time round, our table of ten seemed to have our own personal waiter. Whilst we ate he just sat patiently (but not pressurisingly...word?) at a table behind us.

I was extra impressed this time because he took a cake someone had bought Vicky out the back and came out after the mains with it and loads of little candles, we all sang happy birthday and then he gave her a little gift of packaged wooden chopsticks in a woven case and a little elephant charm on them.

Gawd, I'll stop gushing...I love Annas! That was a lovely evening.

New Years came, I didn't take any pictures!! FOR SHAME!! Oggers provided a lovely 3 course meal at her house pre-drinkies. Red onion, beef tomato and mozzarella salad for starters, pasta filled with veg with roasted veg sauce on tops for mains, and chocolate cheesecake with double cream for dessert.......nom!!

Her comedy matey Rachel came to meet us and we headed off for a few bevvies at the local Rose and Crown where they had a swing night on.

We had a bit of trouble getting into the drinking after all the foods, but by the end of the night we'd had enough for a little bit of a boogie-woogie.

There was a little bit of drinks trickery at the end...but I shan't go into it for fear of getting them in trouble...safe to say it was a good evening....and CHIPS on the way home...always a good way to round it off.

And a few days to recover before back to work....where it's been dead because people still remember how they got away with the 'snowed in' excuse of Feb last year :D

On that note, I'll leave you with another picture of the gorgeous snowy garden in the Stow

The New Year Cloud-Buster

2010-01-05T10:19:00.014Z

I have a mate who has the New Year blues at the moment. So I thought I'd do a post with all her favourite things together and see if I can raise a smile

Rubi and Gabriel with mum Abi

And, the pièce de résistance....

Can anyone see? Is she smiling yet?......

More Guinness maybe!

Catch-up

2009-12-29T14:15:00.003Z

My my, but it IS silly season at the moment isn't it, I'll be carrying my liver around with me in a jar before long.

Here are some Sproglet Festive Season Facts:

- I ate almost an entire Terrys Chocolate Orange to myself on Boxing Day

- Every year mum and dad buy new wrapping paper, but they keep the old stuff. Wrapping paper at mum and dads house is either brand new or 5 years old. This has become so out of hand that it's facilitated the purchase of a wrapping paper 'organiser' which resembles a suitcase.

- Cracker jokes get worse every year

- Both Nicki and Dad's heads are too big for cracker-hats. They look ok from the front, but when you turn them round there's a massive rip.

- Books with silly pictures of animals are a staple...and made of win.

- No matter how old my sister and I get, we still have stockings. I turned 26 this year. They are, however, getting smaller and slightly more adult (not in a fishnet kind of way). When we were wee our stockings were roughly the same size as us, stocking shaped and all different colours etc. This year we had little sacks instead of stockings, cos that makes it more grown up.

Ahem

This Christmas was good, if busy. I went out with Oggers on the day before Christmas Eve for her worky drinks, and Christmas Eve was spent flapping around Croydon in a bid to pick up those bits that I'd kept putting off, blindly stumbling closer to Christmas in the confidence that time would slow down and stop at some point, allowing me to wander round Selfridges at my leisure, pushing people over and putting them in funny positions.

Nanny and my aunt and uncle came over for Christmas dinner. Nanny seems to get smaller every year blesser!

Boxing day was chillout and the day after was my last zoo day! It won't sink in until 2 weeks time when I'm sat at home thinking...'I should be doing something now'. Jo, Choy, Lucy and I (the hardcore crowd) when out for drinkies. We left Camden at about 9, but in our eternal wisdom, Jo and I hit the local when we got back to the Stow..until closing....gah!!

Yesterday I saw my lovely Mark, he's moving out! Exciting exciting, we hit Sam Smiths...nom nom and cheapy cheapy. We feasted upon McCoys and beer and then made a relatively early (and almost sober) retreat. By this point I'm merely topping up the already high level of alcohols in my bloodstream, I'm not sure that I'm ever 100% sober at any point.

To come is Calendar Girls with the fambly, Party Piece, Vicky's bday and New Year.....

Ye gawds..

Seasons Greetings

2009-12-24T21:03:00.002Z

Christmas Time!

In Ancient Rome, high ranking officials would give gifts to the Emperor around the winter solstice.

In the 17th century and earlier, parents would give their kids chocolate or fruit on St Nicholas's feast day.

In the Victorian era, the more prosperous would go out onto the streets and give food to the less fortunate.

Tomorrow we'll be giving our own gifts, but it's not all about the presents is it now? Though they are an added bonus. It's a time to appreciate having all your family and friends around.

I hope all of you have a wonderful christmas in your own individual ways, Wilf in Madrid, Lindar in Australia! I'll be at home with the fambly, auntie Pat, Uncle Roy and Nannoo are coming round which is unusual, we haven't had multiple guests for Christmas for a while.

So wherever you are in the world, have an awesome time, seasons greetings to everyone who has visited me over the past few months!!

Merry Christmas

God jul

Meri Kirihimete

Feliz Navidad!

Froehliche Weihnachten

Joyeux Noel

Bada Din Mubarak Ho

Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia

Hristos se rodi!

Sawadee Pee Mai

I'D MIILAD SAID OUA SANA SAIDA

Kala Christouyenna!

Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!

Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok

Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom

Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova

Buone Feste Natalizie

Selamat Hari Natal

Ask, and ye shall recieve!

2009-12-23T09:20:00.011Z

I asked for a scarf...and I got one. A nice one!

Jo asked for a scarf bloggage. So here it is!

In my defence, I've been too busy wearing the thing to blog about it. Jo finished it just in time for this cold snap...for which I will be eternally grateful. I'm almost positive it's the one thing that has prevented me coming down with one of those horrendous throat infections that plague me at this time of year.

I was presented with said scarfage a couple of Saturday nights ago, whereupon we set about modelling for the camera. We also modelled some lovely badges Jo had picked up that day.

Quick disclaimer: Modelling suggests some kind of aesthetic quality...I can't speak for the gorgeous Jo who looks lovely even in her lesbian lumberjack shirt....but I'm frigging hideous.

I then spent the week abusing it whilst training. I rarely took it off and I'm pretty sure all the guys on the course thought I was a bit of a nutter.

So when I got back, it had stretched....a bit....

In my defence (again, your Honour), it's stretchy wool, and in my defence, it's only stretched because I've loved it too much. But I'm sure Jo considers this scarf abuse in the first degree. She seemed disgusted as she held it up in front of her and both ends touched the ground.

But I lubs it and it's mine not hers and she can poo off.

So there.

Lubbly Food!

2009-12-22T14:02:00.003Z

A food post, it's definitely what has been lacking recently.

I was all set to starve last night. I contemplated going to bed at about 21:30 when the grumbling in my tumbly started, sleep through it, sleep through the pain.

Then, to make matters worse (I thought) Grant came in and started pottering around in the kitchen. It was only a matter of time before those lovely food smells would come wafting out. I keep being asked what a 'Grant' is, it's a live-in landlord. He's lovely, but he doesn't like people to know that, so don't tell him I told you...shhhh.

Belly gave in and I wandered into the kitchen to grab the only thing I had that was edible...a tin of mackerel in brine. I've eaten mackerel out of the tin before, but I prefer it in sunflower oil.

I should stop spending all my money on beer and feed myself now and again shouldn't I?

Grant caught me and offered to double up his portions and I could eat with him. WIN! He was making a salmony, garlicy, tomatoey, prawny thing with spaghetti.

I say prawny.....2 prawns.

I was put in charge of the salad, it was an excellent salad if I do say so myself. Very vegetably. The salad is the most important part you know. Or maybe it's the only thing he trusted me with. I guess we'll never know.

The excitement was overwhelming when we started setting the table. I haven't eaten properly at the table for a while and there was a salad and red wine and everything! Grant put paprika, olive oil and lemon juice on the salad, dished up and were were ready to go!

But I had to take pictures first, like the sad case I am!

Om nom nom!!

A short way in, Grant realised he had both of the prawns. Being a selfless fellow, he threw a prawn at me in celebration of delightful prawny goodness.

In my own celebratory style, I threw it straight into my mouth, and Grant said:

"It's got a tail on"

....shortly before I discovered this fact for myself.

Not so civilised was the throwing of prawns and subsequent digging around in mouth for prawn tail.

I cleared up after dinner...aren't I good.

Today, Nicki took me to Yo Sushi! for a cheapy lunch. She had a complimentary £12 lunch due to a mistake they made with a delivery last week.

More prawny deliciousness with a prawn yakisoba, and we shared edamame and duck gyoza, then chocolate and raspberry truffle and froot for desert!

Now I'm off for more noogles with Vicky! Mmmmmmm fooooooods!!

And the Christmas stuff-your-face hasn't even started yet!!

Do cowboy boots leak?

2009-12-21T18:56:00.008Z

Because I know you've all been dying to know the answer to THAT question....

It appears that they do, copiously in fact.

Yes, I haven't done a snow post yet, I thought it was about time.

Walking home today was downright treacherous! It began snowing at about 3pm, light at first, prompting verbal ejaculations such as:

"Oh it's light, it's been raining, it'll never settle"

An hour or so later:

"Look, it's beginning to settle"

Joy.

I held off my journey home in the hopes that it would stop, and sure enough it seemed to, until I stepped out the door. It wasn't too bad, but unfortunately it had been just light/heavy enough that it had started to turn to sludge. I counted myself lucky that there hadn't been too many people walking on it before me, pounding it into ice.

Walking to Euston wasn't too bad, but I had that horrible moment walking down the stairs into the tube station when the snow that's settled in your hair starts to melt and run down your face and neck...ewww.

The other end was a slightly different story.

The snow was thicker here, but had been trodden down a bit, and so, despite the freezing cold water oozing into your socks, you're forced to walk at about half the pace you normally would. The traffic at the intersection outside Blackhorse Road was at a standstill, I'm continually amazed at the sheer stupidity that snow brings out in drivers. I could still hear the angry toots from halfway down Forest Road.

Once I turned off the main road I found myself wishing again for that standstill traffic. It was far preferable to the sporadic vehicles bombing down the road at a rate of knots and sliding towards you at a diagonal when they finally saw fit to apply the brakes. I found myself stopping to warily eye up any car coming down the road, preparing to leap clumsily over a front garden wall should the situation necessitate. Behold the gauntlet I faced:

Not quite Gladiators I grant, I'd have killed for some of that handy padding though.

I turned the corner onto my road (one way) in relief and headed homeward bound.

It may, or may not, surprise you to learn that the first thing I did was head out into the garden. Our garden is quite pretty and I thought I'd take a few snaps before all the snow melted, or anyone came home to spoil it with footprints. Though I suspect they wouldn't be quite as mad as to venture out like I did.

So now I've stuck the heating on, made a cup of tea and snuggled up on the sofa.

On a non-snow note, Linda left for Australia today. I have a bit of a sad on about it, purely selfish as it's quite clear she's going to have an absolutely fantastic time out there, and I'm off to see her in June anyway! What an excellent excuse to visit Sydney eh?

Have a blast Linda, we'll miss your noise xxx I see you in 6 months :)

The Wiluf is off to Madrid tomorrow, so I won't see him until the new year, and who knows if the Greggle will be in? Teatimes are going to be a deadzone for the next two days.

Roll on Christmas, Nicki has come up with a delicious-sounding Slimming World xmas dinner! I know 'Slimming World' and 'delicious' don't sound like they belong in the same sentence, but you'd be surprised. Mum bought a bottle of Disaronno the other day and I suspect that'll go down well with Dad, Nicki and myself...om nom nom.

Safe journies home everybody, I'm off to starve cos I have no food in the house and I am NOT going back out to the Co-Op. I'm sure those Krispy Kremes, mince pies and lemon drizzle cakes from earlier will keep me from withering away overnight.

Snow.

Christmas Shopping

2009-12-20T11:48:00.004Z

I've done most of it now, got a couple of bits to pick up, but nothing huge now....phew!!

Yesterday afternoon Nicki and I went to have lunchings with The Steve and I got my first Christmas present!! Wew! Rhiannas new album, that needs to go straight on the pod. I was mildly distracted for a while by all the raunchy pics on the inside cover....wrong.

Anywhoo, as usual, Nicki and I found ourselves distracted by the christmas market they had going on in Croydon highstreet. They have a lovely little stall with woollen dresses, skirts and coats, we had a little browse and Nicki picked out a top and I picked out a dress (70% Italian wool apparently), being wool it wasn't very stretchy. I couldn't find the one in extra large that I was looking for so Nicki burrowed through the people into the back to ask the lady whether she had that dress in extra large:

"Yes"...*quick look up and down*...."we have it in extra extra large too" *meaningful look*

Nicki didn't look best please when she returned, but advised me as to what the lovely lady had said (Nicki and I are pretty much the same kinda size), and so I dutifully picked up XXL and made my way to pay for it. She took it off me, looked at the size and gave me the quick once over.

"Yes" and a quick nod of satisfaction.

I couldn't help but smile and laugh. Italian ladies, they take no prisoners.

We wandered down the rest of the market, there are some lovely stalls, it's like a very upmarket craft fair, and I love craft fairs!

There was even a little eating area at the end where you could get your mulled wine and a mince pie and sit and watch the crowds go by....or if you stay late enough...some drunks or a stabbing!!

I know you're all gagging for the pubcrawl blog, I shall endeavour get it up in the next few days...there are some classic pictures!

Day 6 - Exam and HOME!!

2009-12-18T15:08:00.004Z

I'm home!!

For the past 5 days I have spent my hours in one of 3 sets of four walls....the training room, my accomodation, and the 'dining room'. I'm finally home, no one is in, I have the place to myself....and I have no homework hanging over me. Is this what bliss feels like?

It would be apart from the massive caffeine withdrawal headache I have developing, I knew this would be a hazard of drinking all that tea to keep myself alive.

The exam was ok, but it's very difficult to assess whether you think you've passed or not. The questions are worded in such a way that you have to tease the answers out of them, and despite insisting they don't put any trick questions in, they do throw some curve balls at you. I'm reasonably confident, but I really just have to wait for the results to come through.

Julian made me laugh during the exam, every now and again I'd look over to see his leg twitching manically under the table. Or, he'd put his head in his hands, then throw himself back in his seat and look at the ceiling before hunching back over the paper again. I'm sure I was also exhibiting all manner of stressed out behaviours unbeknownst to myself.

Having passed the foundation though, it means that I can study by myself and resit (and pay for) the Practitioners exam whenever I like...without having to go through that training again. So that's a bonus at least.

Only Mark and I needed to get the train and so we had a VERY rushed lunch in order to catch the transfer to the train station at 12:30, said our goodbyes and leapt onto the minibus. When we got to the train station...guess what....delays!

'We regret to inform you that the....11.06......first capital connect service to.....London Kings Cross....is delayed by approximately....1 hour and 20 minutes....due to....................snow'

Thanks.

However, one train was sufficiently delayed that it actually turned up almost when we needed it and so we leapt on. It was a slow train, but not too much slower than the normal one. In that regard we were lucky.

Not so lucky in terms of who we ended up sat next to.

I thought it would be the girls watching some comedy show or another loudly on their computer that would cause the hassle, but no. After a while it became evident that the chap sitting across the aisle to our left would become the bane.

Whether or not it was true I have no idea, but everyone who had the misfortune of sitting next to or across from him ended up being told about how:

- he'd just spent 2 years in prison

- his cellmate was serving 8 years "JUST for cuttin' someone up"

- anyone who hurt someone he loved would get "f*cked up" because he's not scared of going back

- he's going to visit his mum, which is good, but it's the reason he's drinking, because nothing ever pleases her.

THAT'LL please her

- the pearl in his ring calms him down when it touches his skin....ahem

He was drinking glasses of almost straight whiskey and was getting louder and louder and more and more pissed as the journey went on (bear in mind this is an hour-long journey...there was a distinct deterioration).

I was trying really hard to talk to and listen to Mark because we were chatting about how I could get involved in aid agencies and stuff, he fell into it about 15 years ago and it's an area I'm really interested in, but this guy was so distracting! The kind of bloke you try your hardest not to make eye contact with, because you know it'll end up with you embroiled in either conversation or a fight.

Lovely chap.

Anyway....WIN, this train stops at Finsbury Park, saves me going all the way into town and back out again.

So here I am. Tea to counter the caffeine headache....week old crumpets that I inspected for mould before deciding to risk my life with (in my mental business case the benefits of crumpet goodness far outweigh the risk I may throw up...bit of Prince2 humour for you there...I promise never to do that again).

In a few minutes I'm off out again to attend the work Christmas 'reception', and then I'll be at home for the weekend.

Looking forward to a relatively relaxing weekend, lets face it....anything is relaxing after the week I've just had.

Oh!! And that guys name was John! Thank you John :)

Day 5 - Gammon Day

2009-12-17T20:47:00.003Z

I had a sniff and a poke....it seemed ok, so I went for it!

Bloody nice it was too. Gammon, dauphinoise (sure I'm not spelling that right) potatoes, courgettes and mixed veg. Ice cream and fruit salad for afters.

So, today was all about preparing for the Practitioners exam that we're sitting tomorrow morning at 9am.

2.5 hours

9 Questions

12 marks per question

55% to pass.

It doesn't sound like much, but believe me....iz scary

We went through a mock. The first two questions were the homework that I did this morning, I got a massive 14/24 for that....but it's a pass.

Overall I got 79/108 which isn't to be sniffed at, it's way past a pass.

Now....to recreate it tomorrow is the only feat left. There are a couple of subject areas that I'll have a read through tonight, but apart from that I think I'm just going to chill out.

Did I mention this is an open-book exam?

It's all well and good, but it's finding what you need in the book, you should see the textbooks tabbed to the hilt! I stole tabs off of Julian and now I know exactly where all my processes, themes and appendices are. Ironic seeing as I couldn't point out my own appendix if my life depended on it.

Ooooh saaaaa

On the subject of the weather....I'm really starting to get paranoid that we'll be snowed in tomorrow. Not the exam, I'm not worried about that...it's getting my arse home!

It's been trying to snow all day, and at about 6pm it hit properly and started to settle. My journey to the accomodation isn't far, but I was in physical pain from the cold and wind when I arrived. At about 7:30 when I wandered back over for dinner the snow had stopped pretty much, but on emerging again an hour later, it was in full swing. I have a feeling it'll be working overtime tonight, ready for the morning and my long, cold, wet trudge over to be 'examined'.

I was very kindly given a lift back to my accomodation by someone I'm ashamed to say I still don't know the name of. Absolutely lovely guy though!! I'm so ashamed. This is because I sit at the back of the class you see, so everyones name places face away from me.

So ladies and gents, please keep your fingers crossed and wish Julian, Chris, Mark, Brian, Brian, Andrew, Hiten, Jaz, Alex, Ed, myself......and especially those whose names I've forgotten....luck for tomorrow morning.

And a round of applause to Mark Percy for putting up with us for 5 days!!

I bid you adieu xx

In Betweeny

2009-12-17T19:01:00.002Z

I just had to go back and check what I said about Julian cos I gave him my blog address today (hi Julian!)

Turns out it was nothing interesting, that's just boring!! He had on a lovely flowery shirt today, left his beanie at home (which he'll regret when he ventures out this evening....owie), vegetarian as he can't digest meat (collective 'ahhhhhhhhhhh').

Smells slightly of....pickled onions and beer. Nice bum.

You can give me that £5 tomorrow Julian, I won't usually say people smell of pickled onions and beer, it doesn't come cheap.

I'll be back a bit later on with the catch-up on Day 5. I can almost feel your anticipation. We've been released early today because it's the Practitioners exam tomorrow and we need to revise.....ahem.

The catch-up will come later because we haven't had dinner yet and I have to regale you with tales of the culinary delights. Apparently it's gammon, dauphinoise potatoes and courgettes......or veggie curry.

I'll have a quick sniff and a poke of the gammon before I decide.

Day 4 - Foundation Exam and DRINKS

2009-12-16T21:54:00.002Z

Today was the foundation exam...I was quietly confident after the two mocks, but as soon as we were sat in the room and the paper was in front of me.....SHITE!! What am I doing here? I know nothing!! NOTHING!!

I felt betrayed.

Two mocks....and the questions in the paper were nothing like those in the mocks. I mean...I didn't expect the questions to come up again, but these questions weren't even in the same kind of format. Completely different.

I'd completed the mocks in less than the allotted hour, with time to check, and then go out and grab tea and coffee to wait for the end. THIS time I was there scribbling right till the end.

Yes...this is a multiple choice. One of those jobbies where you have an answer sheet with circles that you block out so someone can stick a grid over the top and mark...or push them through a computer which will count them. What you don't take into account is how long it takes you to fill in those silly circles with the stoopid mechanical pencil they give you!!

Anywhoo.

We all left the room at the end. With the foundation, the trainer marks them there and then and you get the results half an hour later.

Stood around in the coffee room, it was clear that everyone felt the same way as me. No one came out of that exam in a positive frame of mind. Arms crossed, fingers and feet tapping, moaning, groaning, staring at the ceiling. It was possibly one of the worst 25 minutes of my life. I've never had the experience of having to wait for the results of a pregnancy test....but I imagine it'd feel the same way.

We were called back in, and given our results on the back of little post-it notes. I was given my post-it note.

Becki....it said on the front....I held it between the palsm of my warm little mittens for a while before summoning up the guts to turn it over and look at my result:

54!!

Thank Frack for that......phew.....

The highest mark was 68, and only one guy failed, we all felt for him. He has to retake tomorrow morning before doing the practitioners exam on Friday....shitehouses.

Afterwards we were given our homework for tonight, and in true Becki style, I decided a trip to the bar was in order instead. I dragged Brian along with me...he didn't need much persuasion in all honesty.

We were soon joined by Andrew, then Chris and Mark...etc etc, until we had a little crowd going. Then Alex turned up and bought me another. 2 pints and I haven't had any since Sunday...that's a long time for me.

Roastie dinner...mmmmm

And now I'm back in my room...post-beer fug, blogging and thinking...I should do some homework. I think what I'll do now is....drink lot's of water and get up early tomorrow to do my homework. The past few days I've been getting up at 7am, having brekkie and in the training room by 8am (training doesn't start till 9), but seeing as someone is doing their exam we can't get in till 9.

Up drinking beer and doing homework in the morning.

Becki is back on form ladies and gents...

Day 3 - Mock Numero 2 and Morrocan Beef

2009-12-15T20:50:00.004Z

Dinner today was Morrocan Beef and cous cous, with mandarin cheesecake for afters. The food seems to be getting better every day, but some of the meat eaters were turned veggie after day number 1. More fool them and all the more for me!

Today was apparently one of the most intense days of the course, there was no weekend before it and tomorrow is supposed to be more relaxing, ending at about 6pm after a 'little exam'. Restful my arse.

There was still much caffeine intake, but I was regulating it today and had a blueberry and apple tea during the mock....oh yes, well done me. A packet of walkers ready salted and a packet of mini cheddars were my evils, but with all the brain juice we're sapping I'll forgive myself.

I personally didn't find today as bad as yesterday. That 6 hour stint in the afternoon is still a killer though. It appears that I don't have a throat infection *crosses fingers*, it's much better today. I think it must have been my body giving me a warning shot across the bows, I haven't been treating it very nicely lately.

Mock Number 2! I got 53 out of 75!! Oh yes. Oh yes!!

I had assumed that I was one of the crapper people in the class seeing as most of my compadrés seem to be consultants 'between contracts' (unemployed) at the moment. However, having a listen out at dinner it seems I'm not. Scores bandied around ranged between 32 and 58, so I'm not doing too badly.

That doesn't mean I won't be doing any reading tonight though. What was it Tony taught me?

'Previous Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance'

Or something along those lines. I just hope that the stuff being shoved in one ear isn't pushing stuff straight out of the other, cos that's how it feels sometimes.

I'd make some funnies, but I haz nothing funny to talk about :(. Oh!! On the way back to my room I had such massive wind I thought I might poo myself...so I had to run.

I didn't poo myself. I wonder if this is a side-effect of all the caffeine?

Day 2 - Near Caffeine Heart Attack

2009-12-14T21:30:00.006Z

Seriously, I was in danger of caffeine overload today. If I'd had any more tea I think I'd have just keeled over.

Tea, Pepsi Max, Irn Bru and Aero are what kept me awake, I hit a wall at about 3:30pm, (with 54.5 hours to go), I had no choice!! I had the worst nights sleep last night, and I hope that my excessive caffeine consumption won't cause the same tonight. I stopped drinking tea at about 6:30pm so fingers crossed.

I also suspect I'm coming down with a throat infection. So that's nice.

10 hours of Project Management today, processes and themes and principles. It all blurs into one after a while, and I'm just grateful that everyone else in the room has the same moans and groans as I do when we're finally released back into the world:

'Why does he have to go so fast?'

'Did you get that bit about 'tailoring' the project?'

'Yeah I got question 8 wrong too.....bastards!!'

And some of them have MUCH more experience of project management than I do.

(We had a mock exam today, and we've only learned a third of the material. Pass mark is 38/75 and I got 40. Everyone else got much higher I think...but I'm pretty happy with that!!)

Norm brought up a valid point in his comment, which I copied below for you, save you searching around:

"Sounds like fun. I'm a bit of a sceptic about things like this. I've not yet come across a course of this nature that I thought I learned anything from. The theory's always fine - it's when you get into the real world that you run into trouble. You know, Yvonne has to leave at four pm on Thursdays for choir practice. Steve and Alex don't like each other and won't co-operate. Kev is utterly useless but cannot be fired. Stuff like that tends to gum up the works and somehow these fantastic theories never take these little difficulties into account."

I think that this will/would be an incredibly useful tool for me when I go back to work IF I get the opportunity to apply it properly and often enough. However, I expect you're correct.

I doubt that if I were asked to run a project, that I would be given any resources. A Project Manager acting alone does not a Project make. I'd at least need a Project Board, but the problem is that they would need to know what their reponsibilities are under the Prince2 framework. As you say, you also need a team who are going to work well together.

What I'm going to gain from this course is essentially a way to organise such projects as I am given. In my current position I'm never going to be given a huge project, the chances may be that I'm the only person working on the project. Hence, Prince2 will give me the ability to be able to monitor my own progress and make sure I'm not rushing off in a random direction and being distracted from the project goals, so that I can deliver the 'product' withing budget and on time...etc etc etc.

I can only hope that I'm given the opportunity often enough to practice this so that when the day comes when I am give a larger project to run...I can still do it!

On a lighter note....the food was better today, garlic chicken and boiled potatoes. Yesterday was a leathery turkey steak that we all had trouble trying to swallow. The consensus seems to be that the veggie option is far prefereable. We'll all have turned veggie by the end of the week.

Tune in tomorrow for Day 3

Day 1 in the Big Brother House

2009-12-13T20:44:00.003Z

Some of you may know I'm on a weeks residential training course this week.

I was absolutely cacking it earlier at Kings Cross Station, and on the train on the way to St Neots Station. I've always been quite confident on courses and doing exams etc, because I've always known that deep down somewhere I know my stuff. This however, is something completely different!

Looking through the pre-reading, it struck me that the conecpts of Project Management themselves aren't that difficult to grasp....if only you can fight your way through the jargon they present it in!! It's basically a course in a foreign language. This is what I'll have trouble with.

Anywhoo, I arrived at St Neots, and after the initial disappointment of finding that the elusive 'shuttle' to the centre didn't exist, sharing a taxi with a Thai lady who spoke VERY little english (she was meeting her boyfriend....who sounded in his 60's when she thrust the mobile phone at me to talk to him), getting to the Willow Centre to find I was staying in a another part and traipsing around for about 15 minutes in the cold and dark trying to find my accomodation.....after all that, it actually turned out pretty cool.

6pm was orientation time and I left very early incase I got lost....I didn't and only succeeded in getting there very early. So had a few others and there weren't too many seats left, so I grabbed one with two relatively friendly looking gents. Julian turns out to be a star, he's lovely and he's on my course too, quite a feat considering there were probably about 80 people in the room and only 15 on my course. The other guy flew in from Uruguay of all places!

We figured...orientation at 6, dinner at 7 and early night/revision in preparation for tomorrow.

Nope

Straight into the classroom at half 6. I'm the only girl. I manage not to blush when introducing myself which is unusual, I'm clearly growing.

Straight into the jargon:

'Managing a stage boundary'

'Configuration Management Strategy'

'Project Initiation Document'

Argh....argh.....argh

I'm SO glad I did some pre-reading, I'd be a jibbering wreck by now. I was quite pleased that at some points, when the instructor was asking question of us....I managed to shout out the answers to a couple....correctly...oh yes!!

We had dinner at about 19:45, a bit of tough old turkey and some nice roasties, followed by apple and rhubarb crumble. Nom.

Oh. I almost forgot to tell you what our daily schedule is!

Breakfast between 7-9am

Morning Session 9am-1:15pm

Lunch 1:15-2pm

Afternoon Session...check this....2-8pm!!

What?

Dinner 8pm-9pm

Back in classroom to review 9pm

Homework

WTF? They've got a health club and driving range here, like anyone has the time or inclination!

And with that, I think I should shoot off and read about stage boundaries. I'll report again tomorrow if I live :)

Netbook Update..the pictures

2009-12-10T09:02:00.004Z

Oh Yes, I have officially turned into a geek. Some would say nerd, but I think geek has a more flattering ring to it.

Here is my tiny baby net browser

Complete with a ruler for scale there...a very sexy yellow ruler. In case it's not clear, that's a 12 inch ruler, it's not THAT small!

Anywhoo, this is the little companion that I have to get to grips with before I go travelling. I either have to become a more skilled typist....or shrink the size of my fingertips before I go. It may come down to plastic surgery.

Lets Do Something About It

2009-12-08T20:43:00.005Z

Shall we?

I saw this video about a year ago now, if not longer, but in light of the UN Climate Change Conference taking place in Copenhagen, I thought I'd post this video for your perusal. On Youtube it's entitled 'The Most Terrifying Video You'll Ever See', and if you're in any way concerned about the future of this planet then I'm inclined to agree:

In a similar vein, Oggs and I watched 'Bang Goes the Theory, Human Power Station' on the BBC last Thursday. In brief, the experiment involved a family of four in a house being unhooked from the mains, and instead powered solely by pedal power. In a warehouse next door there was an army of cyclists ready to supply all their electricity needs using dynamo's attached to the back wheels of their bikes. It was essentially an example of just how much energy the average family uses (and wastes) day to day, painfully illustrated by the blood sweat and tears being shed by these poor cyclists.

If you didn't catch it then I urge you to check it out on iPlayer...I've certainly been turning more lights off.

Altruism in the Ladies

2009-12-07T11:40:00.004Z

Let it never be said that women cannot co-operate.

But first, let me share...

Growing up I always had more males friends than female friends. Kids can be horrible people in general, but boys always seemed so much easier to deal with than girls. There's much more sniping, mainly over the way you look with girls, lots of pre-pubescent insecurities bubbling to the surface in the form of severe bitchiness.

Now I'm older it's much more even, girls can still be harder work, but now it's balanced out by that sexual thing with the boys. Are we going to be friends or practice making babies? Ooop, oooop, once you've gone down that second path it can be hard to manage the first, so best to go for one or the other in the first instance. I find that you're probably more likely to have a big falling out with a girlfriend, but if you find that awesome female mate you'll be like sisters forever and the boys can move on over.

I think that there should be much more female solidarity going on. If I'm asked what I would do if I knew that a bloke that was chatting me up is married/in a long term relationship/with A.N.Other, I tend to reply 'I wouldn't go out/home with him'. Many women (though by no means all) consider that if the bloke is up for it, why shouldn't they be? Put yourself in his partners shoes...how would you feel?

And THAT'S why you shouldn't.

Yes I know, some guys do it too, but I'm a woman and talking about women...so ner.

Despite all this, every now and again something always happens to restore your faith, and something amusing yesterday restored my faith in the fact that ladies CAN and do treat each other nicely.

I went so see a late night showing of Law Abiding Citizen (starring the wonderful Gerard Butler..anyone seen him play The Phantom? Uhhhh), and, as usual after a film that keeps you on the edge of your seat, there was a mad rush for the ladies at the end. I wandered in to find a couple of other girls wandering around looking in various toilets for loo roll. There's NEVER any loo roll at the end of the evening, I sometimes think they hope anyone watching a film at that time will be too drunk to notice that they're wiping their arse on their cardigan.

Eventually, someone found some loo roll in the very last cubicle, and instead of cackling like a witch and diving in, she shouted to everyone else and then grabbed a handful and went to another cubicle. All the ladies followed suit and everyone had a nice comfy toilet trip rather than a massive angsty, twitchy line forming outside one cubicle in a huge set of toilets.

It warmed my heart so it did. We CAN be nice to one another.

Score one for womankind.

Just a little something for the laydeeez ;)

Img Cred

New Netbook

2009-12-05T18:36:00.002Z

Wew! This is me trying to get to grips with my new net browser I bought for travelment.

It's more than slightly frustrating I must confess. The keyboard is tiny! The screen is about 5 inches across.

Ironically....blogger is working, but it doesn't seem to want to show me my email!!

Some practice is required prior to travel for sure. I'll be back soon with more fun stuff....promise xx

Oggs and Sprogs go Joyriding

2009-12-04T08:56:00.004Z

Oh yes, check this mother out...Oggs and Sprogs in an unmarked vehicle. Can anyone possibly conceive of anything more terrifying?

It wasn't just the joy of riding though...oh no...we were on a mini crime (or at least..slightly anti-social behaviour) spree.

Whilst in Halfords we hung around in corners surrepticiously farting and then running away (actually, that was mostly me..but I like to involve Jo where I can).

We also spent lots of time sniffing air fresheners, thereby blocking access to other people who might have wanted to sniff air fresheners...and also probably looking like we were going to pocket a couple and drive off in the unmarked vehicle.

We spent quite a bit of time hovering round the wheelchair section daring each other to sit down in one so the other could push her around screaming like some kind of mentalist low-budget emergency services vehicle.

All in all we kept the 7ft something security guard on his toes...oh yes we did. He might have looked menacing, but we'd have 'ad him with the knitting needles in Jo's bag had it been required, complete with semi-completed scarf and ball of wool hanging off them.

You'd think this reign of terror would have ended once Jo's numberplates were replaced. Ok, I confess, we didn't remove them ourselves in preparation for half an hour of havoc in Halfords (alliteration). They were, in fact, stolen by some Stow twat who's been using them for petrol drive offs and who knows what number of other evil offences. Clearly not on our level of mischief...amateur.

The replacement of the plates at Halfords should have quietened our behaviour, we were identifiable now...well, Jo was. Havoc at Halfords had only whetted our appetite, we were headed for Trouble at TESCO, and after going round the one way system roughly 2.5 times, we were on our way.

I've built this up shamelessly and you'll be highly disappointed, I'm not sure how much actual trouble you can get out of a lightbulb, a shower curtain and two cheeses for £2. However, this is where we had our first real brush with lawbreaking.

Whilst mincing innocently down the wine aisle (shocker right), one of our carefully selected bottles of red (2 for £10) slipped from the basket Jo was carrying and smashed all over the floor.

*gasp*

Resisting my natural urge to fall to my hands and knees with a straw...or not, I went to the tills and let the supervisor know that there 'had been a breakage in the wine aisle'. Note how I carefully deflected blame. I then returned swiftly to the scene of the crime to find Jo hanging around the breakage in a folorn kind of way. Taking charge of the situation I went back and picked up another bottle of wine....most important! I then kicked the bigger pieces of glass into the centre of the puddle to avoid accidents, waited for the tannoy to go out calling for the janitor and then bundled Jo away quickly before they arrived.

AHA HA!!!!

We had gotten away with it. This was rather too close to real criminal activity for our liking though, and we decided it was time for home, warm, wine and cheese.

Jo did eat a Caramac Bar whilst driving home though.....dodgy

Toilet Ettiquette

2009-12-03T15:22:00.003Z

You know that situation? You know.

When the urge comes upon you at work, you'd like to wait until you get home...but it's not going to happen. You mentally run through the locations of all the toilets, which one is likely to be the least frequented? What time is it? Half past the hour, ideal, no sudden outflux from a lecture.

You don't want to be disturbed after all.

I don't know what you're all thinking, but I'm thinking bowel movements.

So you pootle along to the toilet, your heart sinks, there's someone in the other cubicle.

But you've come all this way, you take the chance that maybe they're nearly finished and that you coming in and faffing around next door will drive them away.

You sit down, listening for the telltale rumble of the loo roll that indicates the end.

*nothing*

This could be awkward, you need a poop, not a pee pee, you have only very little pee pee. But you try anyway, otherwise what you have is two very awkward people sitting on the pan with nowt but a plastic wall between them, listening for each others bodily functions.

It takes about a minute for you to summon anything, anything at all, I do believe it's called 'Performance Anxiety', and then, the most embarrassingly small volume of pee in the world. Performance anxiety over, you're now merely ashamed. It's an emotional rollercoaster!

Next door, still silence. They were here before you! Surely they should have the good manners to leave and let you get on with it. By now they know what you're up to, killing time with your tiny pee pee. No one comes to the loo for a performance like that, you're waiting for something more substantial!

But no, they'll just.....sit tight, listen to you flounder like a dying fish until you finally give up.

And that's what you do. Resigned....you leave the cubicle (having pulled your kecks up, and hopefully to find no one else waiting for the toilet with a silent grin on their face), then wash and dry your hands as quickly as you possibly can so whoever the demon is sitting in that other cubicle doesn't come out and see your face.

If they saw your face you'd have to kill them, no one wants blood on their hands.

Bitch...I bet she's in there having a nice poo now.

I'll go back in ten minutes

*clock watching*

Absence of Amusement!!

2009-12-02T12:18:00.010Z

I know I know....I'm rubbish....I'll never become Blog of Note this way! I have plenty to write about, and plenty to not write about too, but in the absence of having much time, I thought I'd send a little thank you to FunnyMan for sending me a CD of the pics he took at my birthday.

You may have already sated your desire for snaps of birthday fun, but incase you haven't, here are some more:

Funny how thereare more pics of FunnyMan on his camera than anyone elses!!

Ah....it was a very cool night :)

Lazy Day

2009-11-28T11:35:00.002Z

I'm having a very lazy day today, as of now, I'm still in bed having got up once for breakfast and a cup of tea.

I've played Civ, read some Prince2 Project Management training stuff.....oh the jargon, and now I'm back on the interwebz faffing like a faffer.

I've been on ICHC and I just have to ask you Jo...is this Mornington???!!

Now we know what that yowling was last week...keep her away from those goats.

Slap on the electrodes, strap me in and spin me till I vom!!

2009-11-27T19:01:00.011Z

I don't know....the things I do in the name of education!

It's that time of year again at work, time for the Barany Chair practical. In brief, this practical demonstrates how the fluid of the inner ear behaves whilst a subject is being spun, and its involvement in our sense of balance. Apparently the Barany chair is used extensively in training student pilots and also in motion sickness therapy.....I can believe that last one.

Normally I would help Bruce out during the practical, but I'm away on a course during the week it's running, so he has recruited a new victim, one of our colleagues Nick. Today was the runthrough for the practical, two people are needed to run the practical and as Nick was being briefed on the equipment for the first time, guess who got to be the 'subject'.

Me!!

Yeay

Behold the instruments of my torture:

The Barany chair itself. This beauty is permanently installed in one of our lecture theatres. I wish I'd been there during the pre-project phase of the refurb:

'Ok, well, I think we've got this almost wrapped up, is there anything you'd like to add? Any special requirements'

'Well...there is one, 'special' requirement'

'That's fine, let's talk about it, what do you need?'

'It's a chair'

'This is a lecture theatre, don't you have enough chairs already?'

'A dentists chair'

'.............a dentists chair?'

'Yes'

'Okaaay, I'll ask th-'

'We're not finished...it has to spin round and round like an egg beater on crack!'

'I er-'

'And it needs a seatbelt....cos of the spinning you see'

I also wonder what everyone thinks, when they come to the theatre for a maths or chemistry lesson, of the instrument of torture lurking in the corner, fascinating and yet infusing you with an intangible terror.

Check these babies out, an array like this would strike fear into the heart of the bravest man.

I would like to begin by pointing out that the bottle is NOT lube, thanks for that, put your tiny minds back in the gutter!! We have:

Electrode gel

Alcohol wipes

Sticky electrodes

Tissues

Micropore tape

Some dodgy looking wires

and instructions for 'Connecting the Subject'

That's me that is....and so we begin.

Nick starts to gel me up with electrodes *winky winky*, one on the outside left eyesocket and one on the outside right eyesocket. Taping me up, plugging me in and sitting me down, until I look something like this:

You can't see this very well, but what I have hanging there round my neck is a transmitter with 2 9V batteries sellotaped to the outside. The electrodes hanging out of it are micropored almost to my eyeballs. It's just as well I was about to be strapped firmly into a spinning chair, walking down the corridor and onto the streets of London looking like this would very soon have me attacked I have no doubt! Plenty of excuse for a stop and search going on right here

This array of materials transmits my eye movements to the laptop Bruce has set up on the other end of the room. If you hadn't already been firmly seatbelted into the rather odd-looking furnishing then the initial phase of the practical would lull you into believing that maybe this practical is nowt but a glorified eye exam:

'Look straight ahead please'

'Now look to your left'

'and now to your right'

'and back straight ahead'

I followed Nicks instructions to the very letter. I was silently congratulating myself on knowing left from right when all of a sudden the mechanical beastie beneath me hummed into life and I was spun into action. The chair was the eggbeater...and I was the egg. It doesn't look very fast when you watch it, but when you're strapped in there you can feel the G's around your feet, feeling like they want to detach themselves from the rest of you.

As I was spinning, the little doohickey round my neck transmitted my eye movemnets to a computer set-up Bruce had on the other side of the room, displayed as a rapid up and down line on the projected screen.

This is SCIENCE baby!

I won't go into any more detail than that for fear of boring you to death. Suffice to say that I managed not to bring up the massive sausage and mash I'd just had for lunch...much to Nicks relief. Actually, for a while I became quite relaxed...that was after they blindfolded me and spun me round until I almost fell into a coma.

Here he is, looking so sweet and innocent, orchestrator of my nightmare.

It's alright for him....the electrodes had been put away by now!! He couldn't resist a little whirl in the chair though :D

Thank you Wiki

Mini Sprogs Blog!

2009-11-26T22:00:00.003Z

Ah....to be an inspiration!

My ickle sister...well, not so ickle anymore at 23...has begun her own bloggage. Some of her texts have sent me into hysterics in the past so I'm muchly looking forward to updates on this little gem!!

Mini Sprogs Blog

Night all x